Vampires don’t glitter. Whoever thought of such an asinine idea deserves a good bop on the head; and in the case of Stephenie Meyer, emergency brain surgery. Ever since Twilight ravaged the big screen last year, the media suddenly hopped on the Vampire Express, reducing the once mysterious denizens of night into daft, emotive metrosexuals with soft spots for equally emotive damsels in distress. The prequel stretched any unwilling moviegoer to absolute extremes of mush and unwarranted hilarity, a mix that obviously worked on the movie’s die-hard fan base of pubescent girls. It was with this dim mindset that I entered the cinema, keeping my fingers crossed that New Moon would be twice as absurd as its predecessor–I needed a good laugh.

The film starts with a pale-faced Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) standing in a woodland clearing, waving to her grandmother. From the shadows walks an even paler Edward Cullen (Robert Pattison), skin glittering in shining-shimmering splendor under the soft rays of sunlight. Ladies and gents, we have officially entered the cheesy world of Twilight.

Staying true to its prequel, the first 20 minutes feeds the audience with heaping servings of unadulterated cheese. I can’t help but laugh out loud amidst a smitten crowd of crazed fangirls when Edward Cullen, donning his trademark glare, utters the words, “You give me everything just by breathing.” And, like clockwork, the sentimental piano score booms from the background. I swear I can hear whimpers from the crowd as the two star-crossed lovers part ways. Forever, I hope.

Just when I am about to write the movie off as a slightly-polished twin of the first, the plot gets a much needed shot of adrenalin as we are introduced to a slew of new faces in the form of strapping young werewolves, shirtless throughout the movie, and an unearthly intimidating group of elite super vampires called the “Volturi.” The casting choices are perfect, treating the audience to a mix of notable stars and complete unknowns. The standout in this ensemble is a silent Dakota Fanning who plays Jane, a vampire whose demeanor is as fierce as her blood-red eyes.

I find it amazing how the Cullen family’s absence in 80% of the film flips the whole mood around. The skies are less drab, the songs less sentimental, and the exchange of lines less cringe-worthy. In this movie, the emotive vampire family plays second-fiddle to the alpha pack of werewolves and Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). For a 17-year-old, Lautner surprisingly plays his part well, giving moderated doses of violence and tenderness to his character. His pairing with Bella, dare I say, is actually more believable than her hollow supernatural connection with Edward. The storyline becomes richer, its progression filling the voids left by the first flick.

The movie still does have its faults though, with several booboos in pivotal scenes; the most laughable one being the film’s climax set in Volterra, Italy where a desperate Edward strips down to his bare essentials, giving a massive crowd of people, not to mention the audience, a gag-inducing  peep show of anemic skin and body glitter. I will refrain from narrating further as not to spoil the experience for any devout fangirl, but then again, the movie is lifted from a book so there’s nothing much to spoil. In any case, all the loopholes are negligible since viewers will be glued to the screen, voraciously consuming the clues and revelations being set up for the next big installment.

What makes New Moon way better than Twilight, aside from its seamless match cuts, clean camera work, fast-paced action sequences, and poignant background music, is the fact that it brings back the chilling gothic image of these creatures which is severely lacking in the first movie. This difference transforms this hormone-induced fantasy chick flick into a mildly palatable movie for all audiences.

SPOT.ph Rating: 3 out of 5 Spots ●●●

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