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20 Snappy Replies to the Comment, "Uy, tumataba ka ata"
What to say when someone tactlessly tells you you’ve put on weight? SPOT.ph blogger Lourd de Veyra has 20 snappy retorts to that evil phrase.
By: Lourd Ernest de Veyra  |   Published on: Jul 29, 2009 - 5:31pm

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Ours is a society where polite small talk takes the form of inquisitions about body weight, oftentimes the spirit of levity masking impoliteness. But ours is also a culture that finds nothing wrong with wanton inquiries into our marital status, sexual preference, and other things that would make a foreigner faint. Ours is a culture that finds fault in fat (check out those short but brutal Lesofat ads). Granted, that's what you get from too much HÃagen Dazs and double cheeseburgers, but your dining habits aren't to blame, are they? Yes, it's hormonal imbalance. Bad hormones!

So in the spirit of fighting fire with fire, we present 20 snappy retorts to that evil phrase "Uy, tumataba ka 'ata."

1. "Bagong promo ng Belo Clinic."
2. "Hindi, baby fat lang 'yan."
3. "Nagsarado kasi yung Fitness First sa amin."
4. "A sure consequence of increasing personal wealth kasi yan. Ikaw mukha ka pa ring dukha."
5. "That's because I'm joining The Biggest Loser."
6. Rep has auditions for Falstaff.
7. "Maganda nga abs mo, pero bobo ka pa rin."
8. "I know you meant no malice, but you have no idea how much you hurt my feelings."
9. "Fifty percent off on Thai Jasmine rice at Hi-Top Supermarket!"
10. 'Ever heard of the East Beach Diet?"
11. Alam mo, sabi dati ni Roland Barthes, "Steak is part of the same sanguine mythology as wine. It is the heart of meat, it is meat in its pure state; and whoever partakes of it assimilates a bull-like strength. The prestige of steak evidently derives from quasi-rawness. In it, blood is visible, natural, dense, at once compact and sectile… To eat steak therefore represents both a nature and morality."
12. "I mean, that's just your opinion, man."Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski
13. "Bakit ikaw mukha kang floorwax?"
14. "Nagbasa ako ng Preview. Yan daw ang uso in the next six months."
15. "Which is why I've been taking Xenical. And I've got this nice, moist feeling inside my pants."
16. "Idol ko si Ate Shawee."
17. "Ah, but the curve is the most beautiful of all the lines."
18. "May sale kasi sa Tubby."
19. "Does the phrase 'Dove Beauty' mean anything to you?"
20. "Tangina mo rin."

This is a Crazy Planets is available in newsstands, bookstores and supermarkets nationwide for only P195. For more information, click here.

Artwork by Warren Espejo.

SPOT.ph wants to know: Know anyother snappy replies for, "Uy, tumataba ka 'ata"?

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122 Comments
  • No Excuses
    Hormonal imbalance is such a bad f*cking excuse. I lost 40 pounds in a matter of 3months just cause I cut out the fast food and started going to the gym. Just tell yourself to lose the damn weight and look good. No f*cking excuses.
    2 weeks ago     Reply  
  • Aisaha
    Ok lng bagay ko nman.
    2 weeks ago     Reply  
  • Sheezy
    Reply at wag kalimutan with the sweetest smile:
    Uy ikaw rin!!
    2 weeks ago     Reply  
  • Sheezy
    Reply: "Uy ikaw rin...Ü"
    (Don't forget the sweetest smile with it!)
    2 weeks ago     Reply  
  • Boljaq
    #20
    2 weeks ago     Reply  
  • master_baiter
    This is not fat...Jesus..WTF! I got beri-beri man!
    1 month ago     Reply  
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    3 months ago     Reply  
  • yui
    " at least maganda akooo, ikaw? mogondo ka ba ??" hahahahaha
    4 months ago     Reply  
  • Kahel
    Haha. Khit mean cla.. I dont give a damn.. Sila.. Mamamatay na.. Ako.. Papayat plang! Hahaha
    9 months ago     Reply  
  • sgt_pepper
    anong taba? BELT BAG to!!! t*r*nt*d*!!!
    10 months ago     Reply  
  • sgt_pepper
    "oo nga e, ewan ko ba! ikaw kamusta pagiging mukhang bakulaw mo?"
    10 months ago     Reply  
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    Mar 11 2013 @ 11:17pm     Reply  
    1
  • golden_abyss
    "Sige ganito na lang, pag sinampal ko ba sa mukha mo yang taba ko, tataba ka din?"
    Mar 31 2012 @ 10:30pm     Reply  
  • maan pataleta
    Pwede mo ring sabihin na, "Pag pumayat kasi ako, e di perpekto na ko." :D
    Jul 02 2011 @ 07:03am     Reply  
  • kororo
    Gusto ko kasing mag- try ng isang bagong sport eh. Sumo wrestling. Pag na-achieve ko na yung target weight ko balik ka ha, nang mapisak ko ng puwet ko yang mukha mo.
    Jun 22 2011 @ 01:13am     Reply  
  • observer
    ngayon ko lang napansin, si ariel of Ariel&maverick ba yung nasa artwork?
    Jun 22 2011 @ 12:48am     Reply  
  • jakong
    Reply: Ok... I will tell my parents not to serve to many delicous food. not its your turn to tell your parents not to add *gly creatures anymore. masyado na kasing masikip ang mundo nyo......
    Jun 21 2011 @ 11:00pm     Reply  
  • enav
    I love #4. I will use that. =)
    Feb 24 2011 @ 10:10am     Reply  
  • dan
    oo, pero kaya ko pa rin basagin yang mukha mo. gusto mo subukan natin?
    Feb 07 2011 @ 11:37am     Reply  
  • chuvakrah
    halata bang masarap palagi ang food samen? Ikaw me pambili ka ba?
    Jan 11 2011 @ 10:51am     Reply  
  • karlhegel
    it wouldnt really matter what I look like on the outside because I know I am loved by people who matters... hehe
    Jul 22 2010 @ 05:15pm     Reply  
  • Fixed Rate ISA
    The initiative taken for the concern is very serious and need an attention of every one. This is the concern which exists in the society and needs to be eliminated from the society as soon as possible.


    *************
    Christina
    Jun 30 2010 @ 04:10am     Reply   Hide replies
    2
    • Blank
      Ate Christina, wag na mag-English kung mahirap. :p
      10 months ago     Reply  
      1
  • Fixed Rate ISA
    The people are loosing their moral while becoming modern. The society needs to be attentive that moral value.


    *************
    Christina
    Jun 30 2010 @ 04:07am     Reply   Hide replies
    2
  • tikas.ng.dasma
    ok lang sa akin kung mapansin nilang tumataba o tumaba ako... kesa sabihin nilang pumapayat ako ... eh payat ako .. lalo na akong kakabhan nu'n . (o.o)
    nagugutom na talaga ko >.<
    Jun 23 2010 @ 10:20am     Reply  
    1
  • toknene
    A sure consequence of increasing personal wealth kasi yan. Ikaw mukha ka pa ring dukha.
    Jun 23 2010 @ 09:54am     Reply  
  • Beeotch
    I'm fat, you're *gly and I can diet! Even Vicky Belo can't fix your face.
    May 25 2010 @ 01:16pm     Reply  
  • sexy
    andaming tinamaan sa mga nagcomment :D
    May 14 2010 @ 03:04pm     Reply  
  • yasiwasi
    "Mas madaling magpapayat kesa magparetoke ng mukhang kasing pangit nang sa 'yo!"
    Apr 26 2010 @ 04:36am     Reply  
  • Walter
    Balang araw, pag di ka na mahirap, maiintindihan mo ang sitwasyon ko.
    Apr 02 2010 @ 10:55am     Reply  
  • saoirse
    Uy, parang tumanda ka.
    Jan 14 2010 @ 05:46pm     Reply  
  • flamingo
    ayoko ng payat.. mukang mahirap
    Jan 13 2010 @ 04:35am     Reply  
  • flood
    #12 - - love that one from THE DUDE. he abides=)
    Jan 04 2010 @ 10:57pm     Reply  
  • zee
    hahaha!! panaLo ung 7 at 13! haha:D yung 4 ang madalas ko sabihin,pero medyo ibang version: "hindi mo ba alam na status symbol ang pagiging mataba? mapera ko ngaun eh, sorry ha." hehehe :D

    as for number 11, parang gusto ko gamitin un ah?! parang tranquilizer sa kabayo ang dating. haha :))

    pwede pa pala idagdag na retort to: "hindi ako mataba, seemingly healthy lang." ;-)
    Nov 20 2009 @ 11:25pm     Reply  
  • vynetuazon
    ...pero t*ng *n* pa rin ang pinaka epektib!
    Nov 12 2009 @ 07:58am     Reply  
  • vynetuazon
    hahah pwede rin ito yung reply..." nasa mukha yan, wala sa katawan"... :)
    Nov 12 2009 @ 07:56am     Reply  
  • Mars
    Recession proof ako eh.
    Sep 14 2009 @ 09:15pm     Reply  
  • VV
    I've actually already used #s 4,9, and 19 in real life. they worked!
    Sep 14 2009 @ 02:28pm     Reply  
  • Rhett
    may pagkain kasi kami sa mesa.

    lol @ no. 20 : t*ng*n* mo rin! hahaha!
    Sep 09 2009 @ 02:17pm     Reply  
  • Slumdogg
    ..di taba ito, eto ang usong Fanny pack ng travelers.
    Sep 01 2009 @ 08:55am     Reply  
  • Darcy Reburiano
    Panalo yung kay Barthes, from Mythologies. Pero mas mainam pa din ang: Tangina mo rin.
    Sep 01 2009 @ 12:08am     Reply  
  • shavedfish
    love the last one. every time i ask my brother for a loan, he always replies in the same manner:

    Me: Kuya, pautang naman.
    Kuya: Tangina mo rin.
    Aug 30 2009 @ 03:53am     Reply  
  • Ulymar
    When I was reed thin in college, everybody would say "Ang payat mo ah! Tigilan mo na yang banda mo, nagiging adik ka na eh!" When I hit 26 years old and began to gain weight, everybody would say, "Ang taba na natin ah, dahan dahan sa kanin!" What the f*ck! Sala sa init, sala sa lamig! Kaya the best quick retort or reply for me is #20!!!
    Aug 26 2009 @ 10:46pm     Reply  
  • teardrops
    sa africa nga once you got married.. yong babae dapat tumaba kasi pag payat pa rin.. ibig sabihin di sya inaalagaan...
    Aug 26 2009 @ 03:14pm     Reply  
  • krypy
    oo! kakakain ko ng chili-mansi na pansit canton yan!
    Aug 26 2009 @ 02:09pm     Reply  
  • ejventura
    masisisi mo ba akoo kung mas masasarap ang kinakain ko kaysa sa iyo?
    Aug 20 2009 @ 04:51pm     Reply  
  • edward
    banda kasi ako... di ako pogi rock
    Aug 20 2009 @ 02:14pm     Reply  
  • Tomas Peeping
    ..Kakasal na kasi ako eh.
    Aug 19 2009 @ 05:23pm     Reply  
  • mhil
    t*ng*n* mo rin. rofl
    Aug 19 2009 @ 08:51am     Reply  
  • Chubby
    Ang taba puede mawala sa workout. Ang purol na utak hindi nahahasa. Ang nakakaalibadbad na pagmumukha ay tinatakpan na lang ng dyaryo.
    Aug 18 2009 @ 11:32am     Reply  
  • Anominus
    1. "Hindi ako tumaba, pumayat ka lang."
    2. "Aysus, i-change mo lang resolution ng mata mo."
    3. "Hindi ko kac nilalaro 'tong sakin." (green)
    Aug 17 2009 @ 11:05pm     Reply  
  • Passerby
    I always say "Trend ngayon, tumingin ka sa paligid mo" or "Wag ka maingay sikreto ko yan".
    Aug 15 2009 @ 03:03pm     Reply  
  • che
    to questions like that... i always say:

    "PANGBALANSE NG GANDA YAN"

    with the following subtitle:

    paano pa pag hindi ako ganito eh di nagkagulo na ang mundo sa kagandahan ko.
    Aug 14 2009 @ 02:53pm     Reply  
  • chel
    "Naku, matagal lang tayo di nagkita kaya naninibago ka!"
    Aug 14 2009 @ 01:56pm     Reply  
  • Pam
    uy pumpapangit ka yata!
    Aug 14 2009 @ 11:54am     Reply  
  • fing
    1) idol kita, e!
    Aug 13 2009 @ 07:45pm     Reply  
  • xtine
    "ako papayat pa, ikaw gaganda pa?"
    Aug 13 2009 @ 10:47am     Reply  
  • pards
    just say "eat more rice b*tch!"
    Aug 12 2009 @ 03:44pm     Reply  
  • xycox
    oo eh..ikaw bat ikaw pumapangit ka ata??
    Aug 12 2009 @ 11:37am     Reply  
  • Jaja
    "Ikaw din, pumap*ng*t k* lalo."


    Hahahaha!!!
    Aug 12 2009 @ 01:36am     Reply  
  • sexy_kapuso
    ay ako dati sinabi ko lang..ikaw din tumataba. hehe buti na lang mabilis din ako mag-isip. lol
    Aug 11 2009 @ 12:44pm     Reply  
  • jerrane_rhist
    .,lam mo na, sobrang bait skin ni God eh!! daming blessings na ibinigay sakin, mga foods! :) cno ba aq para tumanggi di ba...
    Aug 11 2009 @ 11:23am     Reply  
  • annie
    I would not say some of them.
    parang bitterness kasi pakinggan.
    pero yung increase of personal wealth sounds really good.
    i'd say it anytime.
    Aug 10 2009 @ 09:01pm     Reply  
  • apling8
    hello po ate melinda!!!!
    Aug 10 2009 @ 12:08am     Reply  
  • Nessy
    Ay, kawawa ka naman. Wala kang pambili ng food???? Teka, ipapa-sundo kita sa DSWD!
    Aug 08 2009 @ 03:13pm     Reply  
  • riovale
    Bakas ako ng P100 sa #20. Tangna mo rin!
    Aug 07 2009 @ 10:22pm     Reply  
  • Gypsy
    anong taba? san ang taba? bilib din ako sa imagination mo...surreal!
    Aug 07 2009 @ 07:50pm     Reply  
  • cartman
    i'm not fat i'm big bone
    Aug 07 2009 @ 03:59pm     Reply  
  • Xy So
    "Pumapangit ka."

    without "yata" para declaration of a factual statement. hehehe
    Aug 07 2009 @ 01:37pm     Reply  
  • Daddy
    "Laking pinagbago mo. Tumataba ka ata."
    Sagot: ikaw naman wala ka nang pag-asang magbago, PANGET ka pa rin.
    Aug 07 2009 @ 11:47am     Reply  
  • mary ann
    At least may kinakain; ikaw wala? (retort was advised to my son by a classmate in gradeschool who, like my son was perpetually teased as baboy)
    Aug 07 2009 @ 08:35am     Reply  
  • sexy888
    Let me add another 4 remarks:

    1. Naman! eh kung pumayat ako, ano pa maipipintas mo sakin?

    2. I'd rather have my face than your body!

    3. weh ano naman ngayon sayo?

    4. Mangi-alam ba?
    Aug 06 2009 @ 10:07pm     Reply  
  • madc
    I'm fat, your UGLY. See the difference?!
    Aug 06 2009 @ 09:55pm     Reply  
  • leng
    uu nga e pareho tayo *sigh*
    Aug 06 2009 @ 09:37am     Reply  
  • BOY TT
    .. bakit mukha kang tuyot
    Aug 06 2009 @ 09:03am     Reply  
  • nona
    #20 rocks!!!!
    Aug 06 2009 @ 02:31am     Reply  
  • shannon0
    ang gand nung pang 20!!!!
    Aug 06 2009 @ 02:30am     Reply  
  • victor wood
    At least yung mataba, nakaka-reduce. Yung kalbo... forever!!!
    Aug 05 2009 @ 09:47pm     Reply  
  • alan
    wala akong choice.mayaman kami!
    Aug 05 2009 @ 02:15pm     Reply  
  • michelle
    i may be fat but you're *gly!!!!
    Aug 05 2009 @ 04:37am     Reply  
  • Fan
    Reply: "Uy pumapangit ka yata"
    Aug 04 2009 @ 10:37pm     Reply  
  • mamamayu
    hail #20 ! lol ...

    id say :

    "maganda na yung may kapintasan . wag masyadong perfect ."

    :D
    Aug 04 2009 @ 05:17pm     Reply  
  • Crabbypatty
    My favorite article and comment thread on SPOT so far--Lourd and commenters, you guys are funny!
    Aug 04 2009 @ 04:24pm     Reply  
  • juriz
    marami kaming pagkain sa bahay. mayaman kami!
    Aug 04 2009 @ 03:19pm     Reply  
  • joey
    ur still *gly!
    Aug 04 2009 @ 12:07pm     Reply  
  • rosa
    Lourd, gusto kong mapanood ng whole yung nakita ko sa TV about Pres. Cory na ginawa mo (last night: monday) kaya lang medyo malapit ng matapos yung napanod ko kasi late na akong nakauwi.. tuwang tuwa talaga ako dun.. sana iupload mo naman.. laughtrip siguro yun

    Sorry off-topic!
    Aug 04 2009 @ 09:18am     Reply  
  • arlene
    oo nga eh,ikaw din parang lalong pumapangit
    Aug 03 2009 @ 10:18pm     Reply  
  • kinny
    Daming pera pang kain eh. Ay sorry, di ka makakarelate.
    Aug 03 2009 @ 06:40pm     Reply  
  • nettyfrau122774
    IDOL KO SI ATE SHAWEE...I really love this line kasi talagang IDOL ko si ate shawee. Its not the... "tumataba ka yata", its the way how you idolized ate shawee. Its the respect..., kahit san angulo she is so cute, tumaba at pumayat man si ate shawee ang cute nya pa rin. And her heart is so TOTOO,subrang bait. We love you ate shawee(sharon cuneta)
    Aug 02 2009 @ 03:49pm     Reply  
  • tuberong_tagalog
    inggit ka? pataba ka rin, leche! lolz
    Aug 02 2009 @ 12:02pm     Reply  
  • super taba
    1. try ko lang kung bagay mataba sa akin
    2. sarap kasi ng 5-star hotel buffet!
    Aug 02 2009 @ 07:52am     Reply  
  • jammy
    *I'm not getting fat. I'm just big boned.
    *I'm curvy and I like it!
    Aug 01 2009 @ 10:10pm     Reply  
  • htchk
    "sexy ka nga, mukha ka namang kabayo... wag na tuy."
    Aug 01 2009 @ 09:35pm     Reply  
  • grp
    The second part of this comeback is the standard retort in my family. I occasionally modify it to incorporate the "taba" part:
    may gamot sa taba, walang gamot sa tanga.
    Aug 01 2009 @ 09:13pm     Reply  
  • sakurasan
    kung sinusweldo mo ang sweldo ko, i am sure tataba ka din.
    Aug 01 2009 @ 02:55am     Reply  
  • joshoncreek
    I LOVE #7! but i didn't say i'm fat... tingnan mo mukha ng kausap mo pagkatapos.... haha... but #20 is so classic! hahaha!
    Jul 31 2009 @ 04:40pm     Reply  
  • jomar
    paano naman kasi ang mga maids namin kung makahanda para laging may fiesta. mayaman pa rin kasi kami e, madami kaming pambili ng pagkain. (looking at his payat friend) ano ang nangyari sa inyo? magkano ba kailangan niyo?
    Jul 31 2009 @ 02:13pm     Reply  
  • July
    eto pa isa...

    "Dami kasing pagkain sa amin, sa inyo ba wala?"
    Jul 31 2009 @ 01:54pm     Reply  
  • exbee
    eto pa ang ok na sagot... ''pag dumating ung time na wala ng makain ang mga tao ako papayat pa lang ikaw patay na.....''
    Jul 31 2009 @ 01:27pm     Reply  
  • CJ
    atleast hindi ako mukhang gutom tulad mo!
    Jul 31 2009 @ 09:41am     Reply  
  • turkishdelight
    " im fat, you're *gly... i can diet! now go fix your face!"
    Jul 31 2009 @ 08:50am     Reply  
  • BaByDoLL
    "Maganda nga abs mo, pero bobo ka pa rin." ---- waaaahhh... kawawa naman ang masasabihan ko nito lol!
    Jul 31 2009 @ 03:04am     Reply  
  • checkerberry
    Baka pwede ring "Ay oo, buti nga tumaba na 'ko eh! Kakagaling ko pa lang kasi sa sakit eh, yung (insert name of horrible illness). Akala ko nga mamamatay na 'ko eh."
    Jul 30 2009 @ 08:20pm     Reply  
  • Karlo
    Hindi ako si Lourd. Ako si Boy Tigas.
    Jul 30 2009 @ 05:59pm     Reply  
  • ashati
    masasarap kasi pagkain namin di gaya nyo
    Jul 30 2009 @ 02:24pm     Reply  
  • gaby
    buti nga chubby pa ko.. pano na kaya kung pumayat pa ko? eh di perfect na!
    Jul 30 2009 @ 02:15pm     Reply  
  • atri
    hindi ako tumaba, lumaki lang mata mo.
    Jul 30 2009 @ 01:46pm     Reply  
  • Carina
    Ha! #11 is GREAT.
    Jul 30 2009 @ 01:25pm     Reply  
  • red_rabbit
    pwede din na, "Naka widescreen lang resolution mo."
    Jul 30 2009 @ 01:20pm     Reply  
  • ehztefee
    nice!
    i always say, "INVESTMENT KO YAN... D'YAN NAKIKITA KUNG GA'NO KALAKI ANG KITA!".... lol!
    Jul 30 2009 @ 12:17pm     Reply  
  • neva
    "ako pwede pa pumayat, ikaw hindi ka na pwedeng gumanda/gumwapo"
    Jul 30 2009 @ 11:48am     Reply  
  • lady leen
    I WOULD RATHER SAY "I DONT REALLY CARE, PACKAGE DEAL YAN"
    Jul 30 2009 @ 02:59am     Reply  
  • Luvimindo
    Walang tatalo sa reply # 20. Solid. Nice one Lourd!
    Jul 30 2009 @ 02:59am     Reply  
  • van eos
    I love the last snappy reply. Short but says everything you really wanna say.
    Nice artwork, by the way. Mas cute pala si Lourd pag chubby. I think kung patuloy sya manonood ng NBN4, ganyan magiging itsura nya in a few months. ;-)
    Jul 29 2009 @ 11:57pm     Reply  
  • lady gaga
    i love all the hirits! Ü
    Jul 29 2009 @ 10:31pm     Reply  
  • Veritas
    4. “A sure consequence of increasing personal wealth kasi yan. Ikaw mukha ka pa ring dukha.” - The best! Laughtrip!

    The others aren't as snappy... Some are actually a bit sad. -_-;

    Rachel, Pau and enitsuj's comments should be in that list! :D
    Jul 29 2009 @ 10:25pm     Reply  
  • meku
    kung pumayat pa ako, how would you call me? Dyosa?! duh...
    Jul 29 2009 @ 09:40pm     Reply  
  • enitsuj
    "ah oo..para naman may pumansin sa'yo pag magkasama tayo"
    Jul 29 2009 @ 08:36pm     Reply  
  • leng
    lmao!!!! loveeeet!!!
    Jul 29 2009 @ 07:12pm     Reply  
  • purpleesh
    4. “A sure consequence of increasing personal wealth kasi yan. Ikaw mukha ka pa ring dukha.”
    -LOL! I love this line..
    Jul 29 2009 @ 06:45pm     Reply  
  • Pau
    "sabi na nga ba fair si Lord, kasi diba kung pumayat pa ko paano ka na."
    Jul 29 2009 @ 06:10pm     Reply  
  • Rachel
    stop worrying about my body. start worrying about your face.
    Jul 29 2009 @ 05:58pm     Reply  
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