Back to top
1. Pineapple on pizza or a hamburger: one of humanity's monumental mistakes.
2. The phrase "I'm not a lawyer but..." is almost always a preface to an annoying statement. You're not a lawyer? Then shut up.
3. Tequila is still best without salt and lime.
4. Pointed shoes will always look silly. Also, never trust anyone who wears cowboy boots. Unless he's Pepe Smith.
5. Any party where you can hear any song by Pitbull or "Superbass" is bound to be horrible.
6. No leftist or Islamic radical is immune to the charms of a US visa.
7. When somebody claims to be "freelancing" what he really means is "unemployed."
8. When an illiterate sees your stack of books, more often than not he will ask, "Nabasa mo na lahat 'yan?"
9. Never befriend anyone who calls Boracay "Bora." Nor should you befriend anyone who watches professional wrestling.
10. Gingko Biloba doesn't work. Especially this one brand, but I forgot the name.
11. Boxers for ventilation, briefs for protection. You can never, ever choose only one.
12. The more expensive the car sound system, the cheaper the owner's taste in music.
13. To paraphrase H.L Mencken: "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the Filipino public." The dumber the TV show, the higher the ratings.
14. If you're on the verge of vomiting, take a swig of sweet fruit juice just a few seconds before--to alleviate the taste of bile.
15. Don't bother starting an online debate with anyone with an anime/robot avatar. It's a tragic waste of time.
16. Replying to hate mail from someone who doesn't know the difference between "it's" and "its" is a big waste of time.
17. One day you will be uncoolespecially in the eyes of your children.
18. Just because you're stoned doesn't mean you have to eat that dog food.