(SPOT.ph) In local show business, we don’t like variety. We’re known for sticking with the same "it" star for years and years until the sorry time when he or she can no longer pass for a high schooler (which always seems to be the perfect setup for romance). We grow loyal to the same product endorser (Hello, Michael V!). We stay true to the same onscreen couple until, well, until they run out of songs to turn into movies.
Nora Aunor and Tirso Cruz III alone have 12 movies between them, excluding television projects. Decades later, the Wowie De Guzman-Judy Ann Santos tandem came out to match that astonishing feat and more. Don’t get us wrong; we’re not exactly adverse to modifications. There have been some rematching and experimentation every now and then and some of them successful like Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz, Jodi Sta. Maria and Richard Yap. They’re not always good though. Here, we give you 10 examples of why sometimes, sticking to the status quo is the best thing for everyone.
10. Rene Requiestas and Kris Aquino
Fail flick: Pido Dida (1990, 1991, 1992)
Premise: Two motley orphans wrongly believe themselves to be siblings. When they discover that they aren’t related, they marry and have kids.
Do we even have to explain? Let’s dissect the plot, shall we: after years of living like brother and sister, it’s astonishing how Pida and Dida seamlessly slipped from being siblings to lovers immediately after finding out that they were, in fact, unrelated. How quickly and easily it was leads us to think that they already had feelings for each other hampered only by the fear of committing incest. As soon as they heard the good news, they were jumping and hugging and rolling around in bed celebrating to a scene that sort of left a bad taste in our mouth and made our skin crawl. Physically, well, the gap-toothed, rather eccentric-looking Requiestas and the delicate-looking Aquino aren’t exactly Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It’s like two mistmatched pieces of a puzzle were cut around the edges just to make them fit. In comedy, however, we figure, anything goes.
9. Jericho Rosales and Anne Curtis
Fail flick: Baler (2008)
Premise: Set during the Spanish colonial times, the daughter of a Filipino revolutionary falls in love with a mestizo soldier whose loyalty falls with the Kastilas.
Before you say anything, we know that Anne Curtis won an MMFF Best Actress award for her role as Feliza Reyes. But who, and we repeat, who in the world would believe that this half-Australian actress, with her fair skin and aquiline nose is a dalagang Filipina from the 19th century? It just doesn’t work. Listening to Rosales’ halting Spanish and Curtis’ careful Filipino doesn’t exactly present a good ground for those much anticipated giddy lines either. Their love scene, which had all the makings of a steamy affair (there was a bonfire in the background) seemed overly rehearsed with the pair counting the movement in their mind: one, two, three... kiss her neck; one, two, three... hold his hand; one, two, three... caress her back.
8. Coco Martin and Angeline Quinto
Fail flick: Born to Love You (2012)
Premise: An optimistic tour guide and an angry photographer find security in each other.
We admit this could’ve had a chance. Coco Martin is so exceptionally talented that he could be paired with a snail and make it look convincing; Angeline Quinto’s first acting effort could even be considered sublime. But if there was ever something that came between them, it was Martin’s hair, a two-inch strand of bangs over his right eye that prevents us from seeing his emotions and affections-and these are things we want to see when we watch him. Overly distracting and honestly ugly, this piece of leftover salon hair just gets in the way whenever romance starts to sizzle. As if Martin needed a hair piece to make his angry-emo photographer interpretation believable. Really, if he had just gotten a haircut in the film, there was no need for his character to end up blind just to prove his love.
7. Mario Maurer and Erich Gonzales
Fail flick: Suddenly It’s Magic (2012)
Premise: Two sawi people find solace in each other’s arms over paparazzi issues and cupcakes.
Funny enough, for a movie that promises magic, we saw nothing but a bunch of producers trying to wave wands and empty top hats in the form of Mario Maurer and Erich Gonzales. The plot is a fool-proof tear-jerker-two romantically tormented, cynical souls find each other in a time when they least expect but most need it. Gonzales and Maurer have enough cred to make it work (the film was a box office success despite mixed critical reception), but the stilted dialogue and crude pacing just shook off any potential. As for connection between the stars, they were too good-looking for it to matter to producers. The language gap felt like a huge block between them. Interpreter, please!
6. Piolo Pascual and Bea Alonzo
Fail flick: Dreamboy (2005)
Premise: A hopeless romantic falls in love with three different men who turn out to be the same person.
Ordinarily, we’d envy Bea Alonzo for falling in love with Piolo Pascual three times over, but this love story was simply a ploy to showcase Pascual’s range as an actor: an arrogant rich bastard, a bad boy, and a guy next door. Alonzo, who goes all Taylor Swift-esque way before she made quickie romances fashionable, simply became this one-dimensional, lovesick non-factor in the whole Pascual universe.