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New Moon is highest-grossing movie on opening day + other lowlights

Andrew Paredes | Published: Nov 23, 2009 - 11:20am


5.       EO 839 SETTING PRICE CAP ON GAS LIFTED. It's time like these that I wish I still owned a bicycle.



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6.       JINKEE PACQUIAO CRIES DURING PACMAN'S THANKSGIVING MASS OVER RUMORS LINKING HUSBAND TO KRISTA RANILLO BUT SAYS SHE WAS ONLY "TOUCHED" BY PRIEST'S HOMILY. Does this mean there won't be a round two of tinola made with Knorr Chicken Cubes?


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7.       NEW MOON IS HIGHEST-GROSSING MOVIE ON OPENING DAY, BEATING DARK KNIGHT'S RECORD. Never underestimate the box office power of tweeners who feel that only they can understand brooding vampires and cougars ready to pounce on Taylor Lautner.

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  • andrew Nov 24 2009 @ 08:06pm Report Abuse
    Psst Vomitous! I'll let you in on a secret. Grown women have hormones and urges too. In fact, scientific studies have revealed that women hit their sexual peak in their late-30s to 40s. So while tweeners moon over Robbie Patz with romantic innocence, the woman who draws up your paycheck down in Accounting might be getting hot flashes over that dish Taylor Lautner. Who says this column isn't educational?
  • vomitous Nov 24 2009 @ 07:34am Report Abuse
    New Moon? Twilight? i don't get it. pre-teens, sure. But grown, adult women? Why?!??
  • gecko Nov 23 2009 @ 04:44pm Report Abuse
    Yeah! The best lowlight list I read so far! Andrew wins the Internetz!!!11!!1
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