1. AS PNOY GOES AFTER SO-CALLED "MIDNIGHT APPOINTEES," GMA GOES ON DEADMA MODE, LETS HER STAFF DO THE TALKING. Love of country means never having to say "I'm sorry" twice.
2. FAKE BALUT VENDOR NABBED FOR POSSESSING P10 MILLION WORTH OF COCAINE. Must-try for junkie gourmets: Cocaine-encrusted Adobong Balut at P3,000++ per serving!
3. SENATOR TITO SOTTO ALARMED BY THE PLUMMETING PRICE OF COCAINE. Relax, Tito Sen...and just raise the price of balut. (See previous entry for explanation.)
4. PHILIPPINE AIRLINES IN A BIND AS 25 PILOTS RESIGN, NO REPLACEMENTS AS OF THIS WRITING. Maybe if you start serving better in-flight snacks, they'll come back.
5. LEONARDO DICAPRIO ENJOYS BOX OFFICE SUCCESS OF INCEPTION AS WOMAN WHO SLASHED HIS FACE WITH A GLASS IN 2005 IS ARRESTED. As the amorous Looney Tunes skunk Pepe Le Pew said, "It is possible to be too attractive."
