1. DOCTOR SENT BY DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE CATCHES ROAD RAGE SUSPECT JASON IVLER–WHO IS STILL CONFINED AT A QUEZON CITY HOSPITAL–LOGGED ON TO FACEBOOK. When you're shit out of luck, you'll realize that all you really have is Facebook and over 26,000 fans who don't seem to care that you're a criminal.
2. JOURNEY FRONTMAN ARNEL PINEDA GETS SLAMMED FOR MESSING UP "LUPANG HINIRANG" IN THE MANNY PACQUIAO-JOSHUA CLOTTEY FIGHT. I think the folks at the National Historical Institute just want to star in a "Lupang Hinirang" instructional videoke, which, of course, will be packaged with a commemorative tuning fork and xylophone.
3. POOR TICKET SALES KNOCKS OUT MANNY PACQUIAO'S HAWAII CONCERT. On top of possible brain damage sustained during his 15 years in boxing, Pacman hasn't had time to take singing lessons. So it's totally not his fault that people think he should be the one paying them to come to his concert.
4. SINGER JESSICA SIMPSON CONFESSES THAT SHE RARELY BRUSHES HER TEETH–SHE ONLY GARGLES WITH LISTERINE OR USES HER SWEATER. Will Listerine take this as a compliment?
5. AFTER 63 YEARS, PINOY WORLD WAR II VETS HAVE A CHANCE TO GET BENEFITS FROM THE US. Irony: You're already dying and yet you're still asked to go through red tape to beat a deadline for benefits that you should have gotten decades ago.
6. SEN. PANFILO LACSON–WHO IS WANTED FOR HIS ALLEGED INVOLVEMENT IN THE MURDERS OF BUBBY DACER AND EMMANUEL CORBITO–IS STILL MISSING. I just have one question: Who will wiretap us now? (Come back to Manila, Ping!)
7. COMMISSION ON ELECTIONS ADMITS THAT VOTER'S LIST WON'T BE "CLEANED UP" IN TIME. WTF…and we're supposed to trust these people?!
8. FRESH FROM HER OSCAR BEST ACTRESS WIN, SANDRA BULLOCK GETS BLINDSIDED BY HER HUSBAND'S AFFAIR. Hopefully, that golden Oscar statuette can fill the void that Jesse has created in Sandra's life. (If not, Sandra can always bash Jesse's head with her Oscar.)
9. COPS RAID STALLS SELLING DRINKS SWEETENED WITH "MAGIC SUGAR." Apparently, poverty (lack of money to buy genuine sugar) is considered a legit excuse for letting customers ingest carcinogens.
10. SIMILARITY BETWEEN AKAP-BATA PARTYLIST AD AND MANNY VILLAR AD RAISES POSSIBLE RED FLAG. What you see is what your (money) gets?
Main artwork by Warren Espejo. Photographs by Noel Orsal of PEP.ph.