Noynoy-Shalani breakup buzz, Gerald Anderson gets death threats from Kimerald fans + more lowlights

P-Noy’s complicated love life, Gerald Anderson gets death threats, and more lowlights.

 

1. MALACA?'ANG REMINDS EMPLOYEES ABOUT THEIR DRESS CODE, COSTUME JEWELRY AMONG THE THINGS NOT ALLOWED. Good news: Straitjackets and orthopedic shoes are perfectly fine.

 

2. P-NOY EVADES QUESTION ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH VALENZUELA CITY COUNCILOR SHALANI SOLEDAD. Times like these, we really miss Kris Aquino.

 

3. P-NOY AND CATHOLIC BISHOPS MEET TO DISCUSS THE RH BILL. Because "happily unmarried" men who are not raising children are experts on this issue.

 

4. JESSICA RODRIGUEZ AND DAVID BUNEVACZ TIE THE KNOT FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN BEVERLY HILLS. We hope their troubles with Beverly Hills 6750 have been sorted out. (If not, their haters may use this as a caption for their wedding photos: "Katas ng Beverly Hills 6750.")

 

5. FORMER PRESIDENT-TURNED-CONGRESSWOMAN GLORIA ARROYO GRILLS SEC. DINKY SOLIMAN ABOUT DSWD’S BUDGET. It’s not personal, it’s just payback.

6. ILOCOS SUR GOVERNOR CHAVIT SINGSON AND OTHERS ACCUSED OF BEING JUETENG OPERATORS NO-SHOWS AT SENATE HEARING. They were, uh, busy with many non-jueteng activities. Really.

 

7. BARANGAY AND SANGGUNIANG KABATAAN POLLS POSTERS FOUND POSTED ON ELECTRIC POSTS. Idiocy begins at home. (And, hey, we may have a new tongue twister.)

 

8. OCEAN PARK ASSURES THE PUBLIC THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR DOLPHINS. And hopefully the dolphins understand that "the show must go on" even when they’re having a bad day.

 

9. COURTNEY COX AND DAVID ARQUETTE SPLIT UP, SO DO CHRISTINA AGUILERA AND HUBBY JORDAN BRATMAN. It’s breakup season! (Right, Noynoy and Shalani?)

 

10. GERALD ANDERSON GETS DEATH THREATS FROM SUPPOSED FANS WHO HATE HIM FOR ALLEGEDLY LEAVING KIM CHIU AND REPORTEDLY COURTING BEA ALONZO. Gee, it looks like too much fan love will literally kill you.

 

Art by Paula Pangan, photos of Aquino, Soledad, Anderson, and Chiu by Noel Orsal, courtesy of PEP. Screen capture of Arquette and Cox from YouTube videos.

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