Ogie Alcasid gets mushy, Jessica Alfaro may return + more lowlights

Ogie waxes poetic about marriage, Jessica Alfaro’s not sure about coming back, and more lowlights.

1. COPS TO UNDERGO COURSE ON GOOD VALUES. Sometimes, the news becomes a gold mine for jokes.

 

2. VIZCONDE MASSACRE CASE STAR WITNESS JESSICA ALFARO IS NOT SURE ABOUT GOING BACK TO THE PHILIPPINES. To this day, we’re not sure why Alice Dixson agreed to play her in The Jessica Alfaro Story.

 

3. THE GOVERNMENT WANTS ALL PUBLIC SCHOOLS TO HAVE PRE-SCHOOLS STARTING NEXT YEAR. How about a pay hike for the teachers first?

 

4. OGIE ALCASID SAYS HE’S ENJOYING MARRIED LIFE. Just like he enjoyed married life before...

 

5. THE VIC SOTTO-BONG REVILLA MOVIE WILL HAVE A SEQUEL. We’re looking forward to this like we’re looking forward to root canals.

6. ALJUR ABRENICA PLAYS THE TITLE ROLE IN THE NEW MACHETE, A WOODEN STATUE THAT COMES TO LIFE. Can we tell Aljur not to act wooden? Can we start asking him if he’s got wood? Instead of knocking on wood, can we knock on Aljur instead?

 

7. MEAT OF ENDANGERED FRUIT BATS BEING SOLD AT P400 PER KILO, MAN SAYS, "OK LANG. PARANG MANOK." For the same amount of cash, you can get more chicken...so what gives?

 

8. SEN. ANTONIO TRILLANES IV AND OTHER MAGDALO SOLDIERS ADMIT TO WRONGDOING IN ORDER TO BE GRANTED AMNESTY. Somewhere out there, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is laughing her head off.

 

9. MOTORISTS ANGRY OVER SLEX TOLL FEE HIKE. You can rage against the machine, but the machine always wins.

 

10. ENZO PINEDA ALLEGEDLY FIGURES IN A JET SKI ACCIDENT IN MINDORO. Recommended viewing for Mr. Pineda: My Life on the D-List.

 

Artwork by Warren Espejo

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