1. ACTRESS-TV HOST KRIS AQUINO ANNOUNCES THAT HER MARRIAGE TO BASKETBALL PLAYER JAMES YAP IS LEGALLY ANNULLED. The only way P-Noy’s love life can trump Kris’ is if he gets hitched, but-Grace Lee aside-we think he’d rather start a bromance with Senator Bongbong Marcos than do that. (Please feel free to prove us wrong, Mr. President.)
2. GRACE LEE GIVES POGI POINTS TO P-NOY, REVEALS SHE’S RECEIVED FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES. For all this brouhaha, you two better end up getting married.
3. CHIEF JUSTICE RENATO CORONA’S IMPEACHMENT TRIAL DRAGS ON. We’re all just wondering: "When is Miriam coming back?"
4. CHIEF JUSTICE RENATO CORONA IS OVERCOME WITH EMOTION AS HE FACES HIS 7,000 SUPPORTERS. Can you please just bring Miriam back?
5. SEN. MIRIAM SANTIAGO CRACKS UP THE CROWD AT THE 17th PHILIPPINE SOCIETY OF HYPERTENSION CONVENTION, SAYS HER DOCTORS ADVISED HER AGAINST ATTENDING THE CORONA IMPEACHMENT TRIAL. We get it-that trial is making us sick, too.
6. SENATOR BONG REVILLA MILKS HIS CORONA IMPEACHMENT TRIAL FOR ALL IT’S WORTH. The bad acting can’t save this show.
7. ACTOR MARK HERRAS SPEAKS AGAINST PIRACY, SAYS HE’LL ONLY AUTOGRAPH ORIGINAL CDS OR DVDS. But, really, you should also be happy that people are still asking for your autograph.
8. RETIRED MAJOR GENERAL JOVITO PALPARAN JR. IS STILL ON THE RUN, SAYS HE WON’T SURRENDER. The chances of him getting caught are about the same as Lito Lapid learning to speak English.
9. REP. NIEL TUPAS JR. IS QUESTIONED ABOUT HIS ALLEGED MANSION, SAYS IT’S NOT P50 MILLION BUT ONLY AROUND P14 MILLION. Even if we say he’s getting a dose of his own medicine, he’ll still be drinking that medicine inside that mansion.
10. RONALD SINGSON APPEARS ON PARTY PILIPINAS, GREETS LOVI POE ON HER BIRTHDAY. Whatever either of you are thinking: Don’t. Just don’t.
Art by Warren Espejo