Dolphy bows out, The Amalia Fuentes Umbrella Saga + more lowlights

Plus, Lovi Poe’s in another <em>aswang</em> movie, Trillanes makes his move, and more nutty tales.

 

 

1. DAVAO CITY VICE MAYOR RODRIGO DUTERTE ORDERS SWINDLER MANOLITO GAVAS TO EAT FAKE DOCUMENTS, DUTERTE MAY NOW FACE CHARGES FOR SUPPOSEDLY VIOLATING GAVAS’ HUMAN RIGHTS. How about the human rights of the swindler’s victims?

 

 

2. CAUGHT ON CCTV CAMERA: A WOMAN IN ZAMBOANGA USES HER LITTLE SON AS AN ACCOMPLICE IN STEALING. Well, hello there, paragon of motherhood!

 

 

3. THERE’S TALK THAT CESAR MONTANO WILL BE MANILA MAYOR ALFREDO LIM’S RUNNING MATE IN THE 2013 POLLS. Maybe you’re better off reviving the Machete franchise or something.

 

 

4. A BUS BURSTS INTO FLAMES ON EDSA. We’d like to think that the collective anger of commuters sparked its spontaneous combustion.

 

 

5. SINGER NICKI MINAJ PERFORMS IN MANILA. What?! No accusations that her songs are Satanic?

6. SOME FLY-BY-NIGHT MERCHANTS RECYCLE USED COOKING OIL TO DEATH. It’s that awkward moment when extreme resourcefulness becomes a crime.

 

 

7. CAMILLE PRATS WILL BE MADE UP TO LOOK OLD IN LUNA BLANCA: BOOK 2. It’s a sad day when people in your TV network don’t know how to spell your last name. (Dear Person Who Labels GMA-7’s Videos, it’s "Prats" and not "Pratts."

 

 

8. LOVI POE STARS IN ANOTHER ASWANG MOVIE WITH DINGDONG DANTES AS HER LEADING MAN. By God, she’s found her niche!

 

 

9. AMALIA FUENTES, WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN STABBED BY AN UMBRELLA BY HER TENANTS, IS DETERMINED TO TAKE THE MATTER TO COURT EVEN IF A WITNESS HAS ALLEGED THAT IT WAS SHE WHO STARTED THE FIGHT. We had a nasty quip in mind but we’re afraid Amalia Fuentes will sue us for libel just like she did with Bianca Gonzalez.

 

 

10. DOLPHY, THE KING OF COMEDY, DIES AND LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER, SOME VENDORS ARE PEDDLING BADLY-EXECUTED SHIRTS WITH HIS FACE ON IT. How about a little respect for the man?

 

 

Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph.

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