10 Jail Cell Amenities for Sexy, Pogi, and Tanda
A couple of things future senator-detainees Jinggoy, Bong Revilla, and Enrile might find useful should they find themselves imprisoned.
(SPOT.ph) Ideally, an arrest would be imminent. The good people from Camp Crame are fixing up cells for the three senators who have been explicitly implicated in the Pork Barrel Scam. Authorities say that each cell is about 10 square meters small (or big, depending on your outlook in life) and features a toilet/bath that is "half-covered." This means that guards can see what the senators are up to while they’re doing their business. We salute the people who have signed up to do that.
"[They] will be literally like birds inside a cage," an unnamed source told the Philippine Daily Inquirer. We don’t know about literally, but the three senators would be saying goodbye to their life of luxury should the arrest actually happen. We’re listing 10 amenities that the police may want to throw in, to make the transition go smoothly.
In case you needed confirmation: Not a serious list.
1. Memo Plus Gold
An unlimited supply of memory enhancers, because in court, "lamang ang may good memory!"
2. Unpurchased copy or original manuscrupt of Juan Ponce Enrile: A Memoir
In case further revisions need to be made.
3. Fastfood hamburgers
Benhur Luy’s records, as published by PDI, reveal that P70,000 worth of fastfood items were purchased for Napoles’ clients, and to avoid any drastic changes in diet, let them have "burjers." This will lower the chances of food poisoning too. (Value meals only, to save us some money.)
4. CCTV Cameras
One for each corner, with audio. Let the networks air it as PBB: Political Edition.
5. Pull-up Bar
What? Sexy needs to keep being sexy!
6. Confession panel
For sudden changes of heart. No takebacks!
7. Louie Cordero’s My We Karaoke Machine
They can sing all damn day, every day.
8. Personalized (magnetic) dart board
Photo subject to change.
9. CLUE Board Game
This will sharpen their sleuthing skills! This also ought to stop them from signing money away to dubious NGOs.
10. I Never Forget a Face! Matching Game
The reasons for this should be pretty obvious.