10 Very Pinoy Internet Problems
Internet = EDSA
(SPOT.ph) Lorelei Gilmore once said on Gilmore Girls, "We like our Internet slow, okay. We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, and make a sandwich. With DSL there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd all starve." If you weren't able to watch the series during its run on local television, you probably binge-watched it on DVD or during Holy Week previews on TV. The lucky few with really fast Internet can probably rely on online streaming...with a few short pauses here and there (you know, so you can wait until the whole episode loads).
Downloading is not our only problem when it comes to the Philippines' Internet connection. Compared to neighboring countries, we have the slowest yet most expensive Internet access. On a global scale, we're second to war-stricken Afghanistan according to a 2015 ranking. An infographic in 2014 even compared our slow speed index to the Mesozoic Era or the Age of Reptiles. That's an exaggeration but, sometimes, we really feel that way. We don't like our Internet slow. We've had enough of dancing and walking, right?
Here are 10 Internet problems we're all too familiar with.
Morning's a bad time to do anything online.
Rush hour isn't just for roads. It also happens with Internet traffic. For some reason, the connection almost always slows down at around 9 a.m. Good morning!
You've turned into an unwelcome guest.
You overstay at cafes, coworking spaces, or malls with free WiFi just to use their Internet.
Rainy weather means slow to no Internet.
Is the Internet allergic to water?
You've already memorized your Internet provider's hotline.
And can hum by heart the "hold" tune. If the heavens are totally against you, it'll be an annoying advertising jingle.
You know what customer support will say.
If you manage to get in touch with a warm body at the other end of the line, then customer support will just guide you through a by-the-book procedure. You can even do this with your eyes closed. Troubleshooting includes running your Command Shell (a.k.a. the CMD.exe), fetching the ipconfig code, flushing your cache, and you know the rest. You've actually done this so many times, you've memorized their script.
Zero mobile data doesn't only happen in remote locations.
It's also tricky in the Metro. The weird thing is, you can sometimes be connected while in the mountains but be completely off the grid while in your house...where you're supposed to have WiFi.
You've done weird poses with your mobile device to try to get better signal.
In moments of desperation, you walk around the whole house looking for a better signal, even as far as raising your laptop or phone way above your head. Your alay to the Internet gods, perhaps?
Your mobile hotspot is not at all hot.
When your WiFi is down and the almost obsolete LAN cable doesn't contribute much, you turn to your phone's 3G as a source of Internet access. Of course, it won't work immediately...or at all. We quote Roy Trenneman (Chris O'Dowd) of The IT Crowd: "Have you tried turning it on and off again?" Um, yes.
Unlimited data does not really mean unlimited.
We meet again, data cap.
You think you should pay just half of your Internet bill.
Heck, it should be free since you're now best friends with Mae from customer support.
Meme from quickmeme.com, animated gif from giphy.com, and screencap from the IT Crowd