Let's face it–when local movies, TV shows and songs "borrow" from Western originals, the result isn't always too pretty. Sometimes, we can't even be creative enough to come up with titles that give room to deny the copying (i.e. Tabing-Ilog = Dawson's Creek, Desperadas = Desperate Housewives). But what if it's the other way around, and some hotshot US producer decides to translate a Pinoy idea into a Hollywood hit or a Grammy gem? What would they call these masterpieces then? Here are our suggestions:
The Woman Who Was Yanked from my Shank - Ang Babaeng Hinugot Sa Aking Tadyang
Wish It Would Repeat Again - Sana Maulit Muli
How Come Now Only? - Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang?
Marry, Participant, Shareholder - Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo
Strangle, Perhaps, Rescue - Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo
Five Units of Measurement Equivalent to Outstretched Arms of People - Limang Dipang Tao
I Carry The Weight of the World on My Back - Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig
A Star With No Sparkle - Bituing Walang Ningning (featuring has-been musicians Alex Fletcher of Music and Lyrics and Rufus Humphrey of Gossip Girl)
Ouch, Big Brother Eddie - Napakasakit, Kuya Eddie (performed by the Jonas Brothers, featuring Hanson and The Moffatts)
Where Comes the Morning - Saan Darating Ang Umaga
If It Were Only Me I Wish - Kung Ako Na Lang Sana
Sepia Photo - Larawang Kupas
Too Short for You - Bitin Sa 'Yo (starring Chuy of Chelsea Lately)
Fabuloso! - Bongga Ka 'Day (High School Musical's Sharpay Evans' spin-off)
Circle-ness of the Moon - Kabilugan Ng Buwan (Twilight sequel)
Dried Up Emotion - Tuyo Nang Damdamin (a reality show where couples decide whether they should stay together or break up, hosted by Jennifer Aniston)
Why The Girl - Bakit Ang Babae
Why The One Who - Bakit Kung Sino Pa
Just Don't Disappear - Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala
Not Anymore, I Don't Want to Anymore - Hindi Na, Ayoko Na
The Awesomest Person in the Skin of the Soil - Ang Pinakamagaling na Tao Sa Balat ng Lupa
The Gorgeousest Animal in the Skin of the Soil – Ang Pinakamagandang Hayop sa Balat ng Lupa
I Will Get Up and Pulverize You - Babangon Ako't Dudurugin Kita (Arnold Schwarzenegger's big comeback movie, with special appearance by our very own Manny Pacquiao)
It Boggles the Mind - Nakapagtataka
Wait Till You Turn 18 - Batang-Bata Ka Pa (performed by Miley Cyrus)
A Teacher's Nightmare - Di Na Natuto
Never Mind; Thanks But No Thanks - Di Bale Na Lang
Tsk tsk tsk - Sayang na Sayang (a talk show dedicated to counseling reality show non-winners)
Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh - Beh, Buti Nga (hosted by Ashton Kutcher and Russell Brand)
My Daddy Likes Dudes - Ang Tatay Kong Nanay (starring John Travolta, in all his Hairspray glory)
Images courtesy of GMA, Star Cinema, Viva Films, Digital manipulation by Warren Espejo
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