10 Worst Songs to Use as Movie Titles

What if Parokya ni Edgar’s "Don’t Touch My Birdie," the Sexbomb Girls’ "<em>Bilog na Hugis Itlog</em>," and John Mayer’s "Your Body Is A Wonderland" turned into movies?

Many Pinoy scriptwriters have plucked movie titles from local and foreign songs since time immemorial.    SPOT.ph tries its hand at this not-so-creative yet blockbuster-making tradition:


1. "Don’t Touch My Birdie" by Parokya ni Edgar

Possible plot: A coming-of-age movie about a boy who has to deal with his tiny birdie transforming into a cobra that likes to bite.

Stick this in the script: "Mahal na mahal ko ang birdie ko pati mga itlog nito." (I love my birdie and its eggs very much.)


2. "Bilog na Hugis Itlog" by Sexbomb Girls

Possible plot: Voters who don’t "gets na gets" the automated poll process shade the ballots’ ovals the wrong way, making their ballots invalid, which then makes them so frustrated that they start another EDSA revolution.

Stick this in the script: "Aw!!!"

The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up on MUZU. Warning: Very graphic video, not safe for work.

3. "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy

Possible plot: A woman who is bullied by   her husband "changes [her] pitch up" and retaliates.   Who’s your daddy now?   Side note: "Ligers" play a special role.  

Stick this in the script: "Change my pitch up." (As if there are any other lyrics besides the title itself.   The B-word will most probably be censored.)


4. "Rayuma" (Tagalog "version" of Craig David’s "Insomnia") by BlankTape & Crazie Uno

Possible plot: An elderly man joins the latest reality talent search rage to be a star and get the money to treat his arthritis. He sings-what else-"Rayuma" complete with true-to-life pained gestures.

Stick this in the script: "Ako’y may rayuma, araaay." (I have rheumatism, ouuuch.)

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5. "Kiss Kita Sabay Hug" by Rufa Mae Quinto

Possible plot: A title with an innuendo like this (if you don’t get it, say "sabay hug" real quick) instantly makes us think of a B movie with those painted posters of yesteryears.

Stick this in the script: "Pisil-pisilin ko ang mga pisngi mo at titiyakin ko’ng ang mga lambing ko’y masarap."   (I’ll pinch your cheeks and make sure that my tender gestures feel good [to you].)


6. "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer

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Possible plot: Alice in Wonderland but greener-and we don’t mean the trees.

Stick this in the script: "One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue."

7. "Hindi Ako Bakla" by Michael V.

Possible plot: The industry’s top actors, who are rumored to be gay, portray their most macho roles to date... and then do a Ricky Martin just as the movie premieres. Actors might end up together depending on the ticket sales.

Stick this in the script: "’Di ko sadyang tumatalsik ang fingers ko." (I don’t mean for my fingers to make that artful twitch.)


8. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

Possible plot: A fun, fearless, fat woman uses her junk to manipulate men and get to the top. Think Angelica Panganiban in Rubi, only, perhaps, less afraid of packing on the pounds.

Stick this in the script: "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

9. "Eh, eh" by Lady Gaga

Possible plot: Colegialas go through their requisite collect-and-select-boyfriends phase with "eh, eh" peppering their every sentence, instead of the usual "like."

Stick this in the script: "Eh, eh, cherry, cherry, boom, boom."




10. "Nilunok Ko’ng Lahat" by Selina Sevilla

Possible plot: We’re actually surprised that this karaoke classic hasn’t crossed over to the silver screen yet. Complicated relationships, love triangles and martyrdom--these are the stuff Pinoy movies are made of.

Stick this in the script: "Nilunok ko’ng lahat ng mga sinabi ko, ngayon ako’y umibig sa’yo."   (I ate all my words since I’m in love with you now.)


SPOT.ph wants to know: What song would you like to turn into a movie?


Artwork by Warren Espejo.

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