10 Ways to Tell If You're a Certified Kontrabida
You have a signature evil laugh, don't you?
(SPOT.ph) If you were not impressed by the Maleficent remake, you’re reading the right article. The disappointment that you feel when she started taking care of a baby and being all goody-goody points toward a fact that you probably already know by heart. That is, if you had a heart.
If you roll your eyes whenever feelings are involved, we’re willing to bet that you’re also a master of the side eye. We bet you’ve slapped someone at least once in your life. And if not, we’re sure you’ve thought about it...and worse.
Your eyebrows are perfect.
The shape of it is enough to make mere mortals cower in fear.
Ponytail? What’s that?
Who lives their lives without having a perfect 'do all day, every day? You’re also never seen without makeup and you’re probably the reason why #IWokeUpLikeThis was invented. Your red lips are natural, because you drink the blood of your enemies for breakfast. Now cackle.
You have henchmen.
If you have goons employed to do your bidding...you’re not the hero of the story (usually).
Someone ugly is always getting in your way.
Now, why is that? How is it that someone who is half-monkey (no offense to monkeys) is always winning the cute dude you’re crushing on? Maybe this is why you’re permanently permed. Imbyerna galore!
There’s an 85% chance that you smoke.
It’s just to take the edge off while you’re plotting someone’s demise.
You probably speak English very well.
And you can’t believe that some country bumpkin who can’t distinguish Fs from Ps is charming the muscular boy next door! What the hell is up with that!
Puppies, kittens, and rainbows do nothing for you.
You only derive pleasure from watching other people struggle against the muck you’ve prepared for them.
You have a penchant for saying things like “inutil.”
Only because you’re surrounded by incompetent henchmen. Not to mention your help sometimes flirt with the guy you’re trying to seduce. Who’s going to scrub the floors if she’s busy being doe-eyed?
You feed on people’s hate.
That blonde, blue-eyed popstar doesn’t know what she’s singing about. You don’t shake off the haters. You antagonize them even more. You’re not looking for validation or affection. What you want is to annoy the most number of people using the least amount of effort.
You have a resting “Imma cut you” face.
The resting bitch face is for the weak. Even bidas do that now. Your most relaxed state is when you’re squinting at someone because they said something horrendously stupid or when you’re standing over the ruins of the bida’s hopes and dreams. But you’re never smizing. Oh no. Your eyes are dead to feelings like that. All you have is fire, permanently raging, ready to burn all who stand in your way.