The Hit Least #9: Last week's lowlights in the news

9. DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY TELLS US MAGAZINE THAT STAR MEGAN FOX "SAYS RIDICULOUS THINGS." It's like watching a televised debate of "Did not! Did too!" between an 8-year-old and her retarded teenage brother.


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1. HONDURAN LEADER WHO WANTED TERM EXTENSION OUSTED, EXILED. I'm sure this is a story President Arroyo's yaya uses to scare her into going to bed at night. 2. SENATORS HIT GMA FOR BEING "ELEPHANT-SKINNED" BECAUSE OF INSISTENCE ON FOREIGN TRIPS. Hey, how many pachyderms do you know take out full-page ads in the dailies to justify its sorties abroad? 3. DEAD HONG KONG TYCOON LEAVES MILLIONS TO FENG SHUI MASTER, BELIEVED FENG SHUI WOULD PROLONG HER LIFE. This is a classic case of false advertising. 4. TRANSFORMERS TAKE OVER CITY MULTIPLEXES. There was literally nothing else to watch in the malls except trash compactors! 5. FANS TROOP TO NEVERLAND FOR SUPPOSED PUBLIC VIEWING OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S BODY, DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE FAMILY SCUTTLES PLANS. Even in death, MJ is a no-show. 6. KEVIN JONAS GETS ENGAGED. Wait…has this guy's balls even dropped yet? 7. SARAH PALIN RESIGNS AS GOVERNOR OF ALASKA. Presumably to pursue full-time career as national punchline. 8. NORTH CALIFORNIA ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER ACCIDENTALLY SENDS SEX TAPE OF HERSELF HOME TO HER STUDENTS FOR THE SUMMER. If the school won't let you teach sex education, you can always package it as infotainment. 9. DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY TELLS US MAGAZINE THAT STAR MEGAN FOX "SAYS RIDICULOUS THINGS." It's like watching a televised debate of "Did not! Did too!" between an 8-year-old and her retarded teenage brother. 10. 50-YEAR-OLD MAN ARRESTED FOR STRIPPING NAKED DURING FLIGHT. Someone should have told him that to join the Mile High Club, you take your clothes off after you go to the toilet.

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