The Hit Least #13: Lowlights in the News

4. GLORIA DELIVERS FINAL SONA, IS INTERRUPTED BY MANY APPLAUSE BREAKS. Maybe they were hoping she would lose her train of thought and just call the whole thing off. By Andrew Paredes.

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A roundup of the past week's lowlights in news and pop culture:

1. WIDOW OF ASSISTANT KILLED IN RICHARD GUTIERREZ CAR ACCIDENT SUES THE STAR FOR RECKLESS IMPRUDENCE RESULTING IN HOMICIDE. Mathematicians devise new equation: Gutierrez family + lawsuit = loony reaction from Annabelle Rama. As shown by the following example…

2. ANNABELLE RAMA CALLS WIDOW A WANNABE ACTRESS, ACCUSES WILMA GALVANTE OF BANKROLLING LAWSUIT AND ATTENDANT PRESS CONFERENCE, SAYS DECEASED'S FAMILY IS SELLING HER A DEAD BODY FOR P4 MILLION. See? When it comes to the Bisaya, these things just write themselves.

3. ENTOURAGE CREATOR DOUG ELLIN CALLS SETH ROGEN UGLY IN SHOW; SETH ROGEN CALLS DOUG ELLIN A "MORON". You call this a feud? You boys should take a few pointers from the Bisaya.

4. GLORIA DELIVERS FINAL SONA, IS INTERRUPTED BY MANY APPLAUSE BREAKS. Maybe they were hoping she would lose her train of thought and just call the whole thing off.

5. CARLO J. CAPARAS AND CECILE GUIDOTE ALVAREZ NAMED AS NATIONAL ARTISTS. In a related development, a documentary on this year's awards is being prepared with the title The National Artist Awards Massacre: God Save Good Taste and Delicadeza–Gloria, Mea Culpa!

6. CLUBGOER TO SUE MEL GIBSON FOR ASSAULT; REPORTEDLY RIPS SHIRT BEFORE POSING IN FRONT OF PAPARRAZZI. Even a self-entitled, anti-Semitic, homophobic has-been deserves the benefit of the doubt.

7. GMA MEETING WITH OBAMA OVERSHADOWED BY "BEER SUMMIT" BETWEEN OBAMA, BLACK HARVARD PROFESSOR, AND WHITE ARRESTING OFFICER. Oh well, Gloria isn't much taller than a bottle of beer, anyway.

8. TALKING GUINEA PIGS BUMP HARRY POTTER OFF THE TOP OF AMERICAN BOX OFFICE CHART. First it was The Nutty Professor 1 & 2. Then Alvin and the Chipmunks. Then Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Now this. Aren't there enough good conversationalists in America they have to talk to animals?

9. DAVID BECKHAM CALLED A "FRAUD" UPON RETURN TO L.A. GALAXY FROM EUROPE. Maybe Americans prefer talking guinea pigs.

10. JAMBY MADRIGAL ANNOUNCES PLAN TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT. Guess who's going to be calling you real soon, Juday!

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