THE HIT LEAST #16: Your Cheat Sheet to the Hit Headlines

1. MAR AND KORINA ANNOUNCE "PEOPLE'S WEDDING" SET FOR OCTOBER 23. Why are they calling it a "People's Wedding?" Was anybody doubting that Mar and Korina are people? BY ANDREW PAREDES.

A roundup of the past week's lowlights in news and pop culture:

hitleast17main

1. MAR AND KORINA ANNOUNCE THAT "PEOPLE'S WEDDING" IS SET FOR OCTOBER 23. Why are they calling it a "People's Wedding?" Was anybody doubting that Mar and Korina are people?

2. GMA CANCELS PURCHASE OF P1.2 BILLION PRESIDENTIAL JET, REDIRECTS MONEY TO HUNGER PROGRAMS. I hear jet fuel can be a delicious sarsa for lechon.

3. RACHEL AND BARNI ALEJANDRO SLAM SURVIVOR PHILIPPINES CONTESTANT FOR SUPPOSEDLY APPROPRIATING THEIR COMPANY NAME "THE SEXY CHEF." Maybe they should change their company name to "The Whiny Sisters."

Sexy Chefs vs Sexy Chef
Sexy Chefs Rachel and Barney Alejandro vs Sexy Chef Mika of Survivor

4. THREE RELIGIOUS LEADERS ANNOUNCE PLANS TO RUN FOR PRESIDENCY IN 2010. I'm all for morality in governance, but if they win, does that mean we won't get to watch movies like The Hangover?

5. ALPHA MUSIC PULLS OUT RAP SONG "BANANA" UNDER PRESSURE FROM CBCP; BISHOPS ALSO TARGET NOVELTY SONG "NAGMAHAL AKO (NG BAKLA)." See what I mean? Can you imagine a world where the Church gets to pick your music? Saturday nights at Embassy would be like anticipated mass.

6. EMBASSY ORDERED CLOSED AFTER BOUNCERS ALLEGEDLY HELPED SUSPECT IN STABBING ESCAPE. On second thought, maybe anticipated mass would be a good idea for Embassy's owners right about now.

7. ERIC DANE SEX TAPE WITH WIFE AND FORMER MISS TEEN USA CONTESTANT LEAKED ON THE INTERNET. No offense to Meredith Grey, but that's one anatomy women wouldn't mind watching.

8. TRUE BLOOD LEAD ACTORS ANNA PAQUIN AND STEPHEN MOYER ENGAGED. Oh my God! They are so like Bella and Edward Cullen. Only older. And sexier. And smarter.

9. VICTORIA BECKHAM SIGNS ON AS GUEST JUDGE IN AMERICAN IDOL. Would it hurt this show to have a judge that could actually, you know, sing?

10, BODY OF MURDERED MODEL JASMINE FIORE SO BADLY MUTILATED POLICE HAD TO IDENTIFY HER THROUGH SERIAL NUMBERS ON HER BREAST IMPLANTS. In a related development, Vicki Belo is tapped to replace Marg Helgenberger in C.S.I.

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