A roundup of the past week's lowlights in news and pop culture:
1.  MIKEY ARROYO GRILLED BY WINNIE MONSOD IN UNANG HIRIT ON PROPERTIES IN THE U.S. AND DRAMATIC INCREASE IN PERSONAL NET WORTH. Mikey must not have had his morning coffee yet. It's mind-boggling to think that he didn't even bother cooking up plausible excuses.
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2. MAR ROXAS SACRIFICES PRESIDENTIAL AMBITION, GIVES WAY TO NOYNOY. It's Cory, Doy, and 1985 all over again. All that's missing is a giant bust of Gloria for Noynoy and Mar to give a thumbs-down to.
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3. DEPUTY NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER CHAVIT SINGSON BEATS UP COMMON-LAW WIFE CHE TIONGSON AFTER ALLEGEDLY CATCHING HER IN THE ACT WITH A BOYFRIEND. This is also how Chavit deals with insurgents and the Abu Sayyaf.
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4. COGIE DOMINGO AND HUNKY FORMER ABS-CBN FOUNDATION EMPLOYEE ALLEGEDLY TAGGED AS CHE'S LOVERS. You go, girl!
5. MICHAEL JACKSON LAID TO REST, BODY ARRIVES 90 MINUTES AFTER APPOINTED TIME. Now we know why the deceased are called "late."
6. 900 MANILA BARANGAY CAPTAINS JOURNEY TO HK FOR "SEMINARS." Because we all know Hong Kong has the best-run barangays in the world.
7. TYRA BANKS WANTS TO DECLARE SEPTEMBER 8 "REAL HAIR DAY." Because Tyra knows real hair is the only thing that can overwhelm the horror of 9/11.
8. PING LACSON ADVISES KRIS TO LAY OFF NOYNOY'S LOVE LIFE. How much of a busybody do you have to be to have a Senator stage an intervention?
9. TAGUIG CITY GOVERNMENT ORDERS EMBASSY OWNERS TO CHANGE CONCEPT FROM "WILD PARTY PLACE" TO WHOLESOME HANGOUT AS CONDITION FOR REOPENING. Stabbings and beatings are so much better when they're wholesome.
10. KORINA SANCHEZ CRIES OVER CRITICISMS SUPPOSEDLY HURLED BY CONRADO DE QUIROS AT MAR; COLUMNIST REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE. In his trademark beautiful language, de Quiros issued a statement saying, "Ang pikon, talo!"
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