A roundup of the past week's lowlights in news and pop culture:
1. KANYE WEST INTERRUPTS TAYLOR SWIFT ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AT VMAs FOR BEST FEMALE VIDEO, SAYS BEYONCE "HAD ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS OF ALL TIME." Given his record of outbursts at awards shows, I don't know producers keep inviting Kanye. It's like letting Charles Manson into Embassy.
Watch the video here.
2. PATRICK SWAYZE DIES OF PANCREATIC CANCER. Fortysomething women and gay men whose puberties were kick-started by Dirty Dancing go into mourning.
3. RULING PARTY CHOOSES GILBERTO TEODORO AS STANDARD BEARER. And this is the last time any of us will pay attention to Gilberto Teodoro.
4. PING LACSON EXPOSES ERAP'S "DARK SIDE." Hey, Ping, we ousted the guy more than eight years ago. Show us a side we don't know.
5. FLOYD MAYWEATHER, JR.'S DAD ACCUSES MANNY PACQUIAO OF TAKING STEROIDS. Didn't the Pacman reject Floyd and decide to fight Cotto instead? This is like the parents of the guy you jilted drunk-dialing you, except with boxing gloves.
|Floyd Mayweather Sr.: Manny Pacquiao on supplements, steroids|
6. BLACKOUTS CRIPPLE NAIA, LEGAZPI AIRPORT. If you're feeling nostalgic for 1992, this is your week.
7. ELTON JOHN WANTS TO ADOPT UKRAINIAN INFANT, IS REJECTED BECAUSE OF AGE AND MARITAL STATUS. I don't get it. If a gay man like Madonna can adopt, why can't Elton?
8. SERENA WILLIAMS FINED FOR OUTBURST AGAINST LINE JUDGE. I'm not going to comment on this. I can take that wimp Kanye anytime, but Serena scares the s–t out of me.
9. JESSICA SIMPSON WITNESSES PET DOG SNATCHED BY COYOTE, OFFERS REWARD FOR POOCH'S RETURN. I hate to break it to you, Jess, but that pooch has gone the way of Nick Lachey and Tony Romo–he ain't comin' back.
10. NEW DAN BROWN NOVEL THE LOST SYMBOL HITS LOCAL BOOKSTORES. How about getting Robert Langdon on the case of Juan Martin del Potro–the sixth-seeded 6'6" Argentinian who lost to Roger Federer six times and prevented the Fed from getting a sixth U.S. Open championship? Am I a symbology genius or what?