Hayden Kho Jr. named National Artist + other predicted lowlights for 2010

Andrew Paredes predicts 2010's lowlights based on the hit headlines of 2009.

1.       In 2009: Critics score Gloria for $20,000 dinner in New York during U.S.A. visit; Mikey Arroyo denies buying wine at Katipunan Ave. store during height of Ondoy.

IN 2010: AFTER GLORIA TAKES CONGRESS SEAT, PAMPANGA BECOMES MOST OBESE AND ALCOHOLIC PROVINCE IN THE PHILIPPINES.

2.       In 2009: Sex video scandal involving Hayden Kho, Jr. and female celebrities rocks Tinseltown; despite questionable artistic credentials and specific regulations, Carlo Caparas and Cecille Guidote-Alvarez are named National Artists.

IN 2010: CITING HIS PASSIONATE, CONSISTENT WORK IN VIDEO, MALACAÑANG ADDS HAYDEN KHO, JR. TO LIST OF NATIONAL ARTISTS.

3.       In 2009: In the wake of attempted terrorist attack aboard a flight bound for Detroit from Amsterdam on Christmas Day 2009, the Netherlands ponders installing X-ray body scanners at their airports.

IN 2010: APPLICATIONS FOR AIRPORT SECURITY JOBS RISE COURTESY OF MOUTH-BREATHING PERVERTS.

4.       In 2009: Richard Gutierrez sues PEP.ph for libel; DOJ initially throws out case, prompting the Gutierrez twins to exhort the justice department to review the merits of the case; DOJ Secretary Agnes Devanadera reverses earlier DOJ decision and directs the DOJ to press libel charges against the website.

IN 2010: RICHARD AND RAYMOND GUTIERREZ NAMED SUPREME COURT JUSTICES ON THE GROUNDS OF THEIR STERLING LEGAL ADVICE.

5.       In 2009: Comelec rejects Ang Ladlad party-list accreditation, says that homosexuals are adequately represented in Congress.

IN 2010: AS COMELEC FINALLY OUTS GAY CONGRESSMEN, MIRIAM DEFENSOR-SANTIAGO DOES EXPOSÉ ON PORK BARREL FUNDS BEING DIVERTED TO SPA MANICURES AND SHOPPING TRIPS FOR LOUIS VUITTON BAGS.

6.       In 2009: Manny Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather, Jr. bout on again-off again over demands of random blood testing; Manny Pacquiao sues Mayweather camp and Golden Boy Promotions for implying that he uses performance-enhancing drugs.

IN 2010: MAYWEATHER FINALLY ADMITS CRUSH ON PACMAN, SAYING THEY SHOULD STOP ALL THIS BICKERING AND JUST GET MARRIED.

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7.       In 2009: Kanye West storms stage at MTV Video Music Awards during Taylor Swift acceptance speech, gives props to Beyonce Knowles.

IN 2010: KANYE WEST INTERRUPTS WINTER OLYMPICS CLOSING CEREMONY, SAYS NORWAY SHOULD HAVE HAD THE MOST NUMBER OF GOLD MEDALS, AND DISRUPTS CNN HERO OF THE YEAR AWARDS, DECLARING THAT HAYDEN PANETTIERE WAS "THE BEST HERO OF ALL TIME."


8.       In 2009: Ruffa Gutierrez and John Lloyd Cruz linked; vampires rule television, movies, and books.

IN 2010: MOTHER LILY BETS ON COUGARS AS THE NEXT BIG MONSTER IN POP CULTURE, PRODUCES ROMANCE-HORROR MOVIE HYBRID FOR RUFFA GUTIERREZ TITLED ANG SWEETHEART KONG TIYANAK.

9.       In 2009: Sponsors step back from Tiger Woods as the golfer announces sabbatical from the sport and more mistresses are exposed.

IN 2010: IN AN EFFORT TO CLEAN UP HIS IMAGE, TIGER WOODS SPEARHEADS TOURNAMENT TO REHABILITATE GOLF GROUPIES.

10.   In 2009:   Debate about how to pronounce "2010"–twenty-ten or two thousand-ten?–starts to heat up.


Embedded video from CNN Video

IN 2010: GREEN GROCERS BRACE FOR WAVE OF CUSTOMERS CONFUSED ABOUT WHETHER THEY WANT "POH-TAY-TOES" OR "POH-TAH-TOES."

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