CNN Hero of the Year fails to woo Darna + other lowlights of the week

Andrew Paredes' latest juicy commentary on the hit headlines.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

1. PACQUIAO-MAYWEATHER FIGHT OFFICIALLY OFF. Mayweather's camp implied that Pacman is a cheat who uses performance-enhancing drugs. Pacman's camp called Mayweather a coward. In real life, wouldn't the fight be on?



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

2. AMPATUAN, JR. AND CHRISTMAS DAY BOMBER BOTH PLEAD NOT GUILTY. Yeah. Good luck with that, the two of you.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

3. MANGUDADATU AIDE ALLEGEDLY SHOOTS TWO SUBIC BAY METROPOLITAN AUTHORITY COPS DEAD. Sorry, Ampatuans. If this was a diversionary tactic to pull attention away from your case, it's about 55 victims short.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

4. GORDON AND FERNANDO DISAGREE OVER VIABILITY OF PUBLIC FEMALE URINALS. After the fiasco that was the Reproductive Health Bill proved government could not handle female reproduction, politicians now set out to show they can't handle female urination.

5. EFREN PEÑAFLORIDA PLANS TO COURT ANGEL LOCSIN, BUT SHE REPORTEDLY PREFERS TO BE FRIENDS. Poor Efren. Did he honestly think being a CNN Hero of the Year would impress Darna?


6. SLOVAKIAN AIRPORT AUTHORITIES TEST SECURITY MEASURES BY PLANTING EXPLOSIVES IN IRISH PASSENGER'S BACKPACK. This is not news to us. Philippine authorities play dirty tricks on us citizens all the time.

7. LOCAL AUTHORITIES MISTAKE OFW JAYSON AGUILAR FOR FUGITIVE JASON IVLER, HAVE HIM DEPORTED FROM QATAR. See what I mean?


8. MARIAH CAREY DELIVERS BIZARRE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE AT PALM SPRINGS FILM FESTIVAL. Although people who have been monitoring Mimi's fashion choices say this has been coming for a long time.

9. TYRA BANKS PULLS PLUG ON HER TALK SHOW. Finally. Something good comes out of Tyra's obsessive imitation of Oprah.


10. WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING BURJ KHALIFA INAUGURATED IN DUBAI. If this race for tallest building is really just a big phallic competition, that is one needle-like, painful-looking penis.


Artwork by Warren Espejo (main gallery image), photographs by Noel Orsal of PEP.ph.

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