Tiger Woods checks into sex rehab + more lowlights

Andrew Paredes on the Kris Aquino-James Yap drama: "Kris sweetie, are you coming or going? Because let me tell you, storming out on your marriage kinda loses its impact after the first five times you do it."

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1. JASON IVLER CAUGHT AFTER TWO-MONTH MANHUNT. First Marlene Aguilar says her son is in Hawaii. Then the NBI gets an OFW with the same name deported from Qatar. Turns out Jason was hiding in Blue Ridge. Doesn't the NBI remind you of those old people looking for the glasses that they were wearing on top of their head?
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2. KRIS AQUINO LEAVES JAMES YAP. AGAIN. Kris sweetie, are you coming or going? Because let me tell you, storming out on your marriage kinda loses its impact after the first five times you do it. 3. AVATAR WINS TOP HONORS AT THE GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS. Blue people everywhere rejoice, express hope that this victory will alleviate the prejudice against them.
4. CERGE REMONDE DIES OF A HEART ATTACK. As we pay our respects, let us remember never to blame the messenger. Blame the midget.
5. PACQUIAO-CLOTTEY FIGHT FETED WITH DALLAS CHEERLEADERS RALLY. This could have happened to you, Mayweather. This could have happened to you.
6. TIGER WOODS REPORTEDLY CHECKS INTO REHAB FOR SEX ADDICTION. If this facility has blonde, buxom nurses, I suggest giving them paid leaves right now.
7. SURVIVORS STILL BEING FOUND TWO WEEKS AFTER HAITI EARTHQUAKE. This is truly amazing. I can't even imagine being trapped inside a Portalet without getting the shivers.
8. MANNY VILLAR'S "NAKALIGO KA NA BA SA DAGAT NG BASURA?" SPOT OFFICIALLY REACHES SATURATION POINT. Hey Manny, did it ever occur to you that if all poor kids had the grasp of metaphor the way the kids in your campaign jingle do, then your education platform would be meaningless?

9. JOHN EDWARDS ADMITS FATHERING TWO-YEAR-OLD GIRL. Proving once and for all that Democrats have all the fun.
10. MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR-ELECT SCOTT BROWN JOKES THAT DAUGHTERS ARE "AVAILABLE." Hey, don't knock the power of advertising. The future senator posed in Cosmo in the early '80s and look where it got him!

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