Marlene Aguilar claims to be a genius + more of the week's lowlights

Juicy commentary on the past week's hit headlines, from Andrew Paredes

1. MICHAEL JACKSON CHOREOGRAPHER LEADS CEBU INMATES IN NEW ROUTINE TO HYPE THIS IS IT DVD RELEASE. If you don't believe the Cebuanos, take it from Andal Ampatuan, Jr. and Jason Ivler: Prison is the new Starstruck.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

2. SENATORS ENGAGE IN VERBAL FIREWORKS OVER VILLAR ETHICS REPORT ON C-5 PROJECT. Makes you wish our dignified Senators would stop squabbling over the C-5 project and become part of the C-5 project. As in, be encased in concrete along the highway.


3. MARLENE AGUILAR CLAIMS TO BE A GENIUS, VOWS TO FIGHT FOR SON AND THE PHILIPPINES. Hey, Annabelle Rama! You snooze, you lose!



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

4. PHILIPPINE AIR FORCE PLANE CRASHES IN COTABATO. First, maritime disasters. Now crashes by Air Force planes. It's a sad day when you're safest on a Philippine road.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

5. DPWH ROAD WORKS CLOG EDSA NORTHBOUND TRAFFIC. So our choices now are death by crashing or death by old age?


6. AVATAR BREAKS TITANIC'S RECORD AS HIGHEST GROSSING MOVIE OF ALL TIME. Blue people haven't been this famous since the Blue Man Group.

7. RUMOR OF IMPENDING SPLIT BESIEGES BRANGELINA AGAIN. Memo to mouth-breathers everywhere: Just because you wish it, doesn't make it true.



For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

8. PHILIPPINE CHAPTER OF PETA PROTESTS MALABON RODEO. Hey, PETA, where were you when people started wearing Crocs?

9. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER CANCELS TRIP TO THE PHILIPPINES. Rejected by someone I wasn't interested in. I hate it when that happens.


10. APPLE'S NEW iPAD LAUNCHES HOST OF NAME JOKES. I'm sure Steve Jobs is now wishing that he had hired at least one woman to be a top executive at Apple.


Photographs from GMAnews.tv. Main artwork by Warren Espejo.

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