The 48-Hour Holy Week Challenge: 10 Sinful Things You Can Ditch
Can you give up your unholy pleasures for a couple of days? We list the things that you can ditch in the name of all that's good and holy.
There's nothing like giving up something you love or think you can't live without to prove that your faith is in good shape.
Technically, you're supposed to start your self-imposed deprivation at the onset Lent, which is on Ash Wednesday (February 15 this year) and keep it up until Easter Sunday (April 4 this year). Alas, many Catholics (obviously not subjected to catechism) think that they're only supposed to suffer on Good Friday and Black Saturday–the days when Jesus is allegedly indisposed.
Still, we're giving you a list of things that you may give up for your 48-hour Holy Week Challenge. Two days is a hell of a lot easier than 40 days. You better be able to do it–or God's going to turn you into a pillar of salt.
Cool transfiguration. When you're already delirious from the heat, you may consider crafting your own aircon. If you can't be holy, get creative.
1. Aircon. Unrepentant souls burn in hell. But don't despair. We've got good news for you. You can start atoning for your sins in installments by doing without the glorious coolness of your aircon. The punishing El Niño heat is nothing compared to eternal damnation.
State of disgrace. When you look and act like this when you're wasted, go see a priest. You may be possessed. If not, that's 1,000 Our Fathers a day for you for the rest of your life. Warning: The video is not safe for work, kids, cute furry animals, and other sensitive creatures.
2. Alcohol. Jesus Christ only approves of liquor when it's his mom asking him for it and if it's going to be served at a wedding. So, if you're just going to chug some alcohol to celebrate the milestones of your life or drown your sorrows, you're committing a sin. Substance-induced happiness is not the path to righteousness. (Unless, of course, you're just sniffing Pentel Pen fumes or rugby. We don't think the Vatican has classified those as sins yet. Enjoy without guilt while you can.)
Hell hath no fury like a driver scorned. Driving can drive you crazy anyway. Enough said.
3. Car and taxi rides. Moses and his people walked in the desert for 40 years. Surely, you can ditch your comfy rides so you can mingle with the rest of humanity in jeepneys, tricycles, and buses. If you can't stand rubbing elbows with people who may not have heard of deodorants or baths, then you can literally take a hike.
Pride goeth before the face. God said you must not worship any other gods before Him. Therefore, stop building an online shrine for yourself.
4. Facebook. You've indulged in vanity (over 1,000 headshots in your profile pictures selection), sloth (four hours or more wasted each day on Farmville and sending out friend requests to people you hardly know or don't even like), and pride (incessant status updates announcing how your life is so much better than everyone else's). Get a grip, friend. You don't have to live your life through social media. You have to quit this addiction to yourself–albeit temporarily.
The sound of salvation. Pretend that you hate your iPod. It might help. But, hey, we're not making any promises.
5. iPod or MP3 player. We know you need to protect yourself from inane conversations by having your private soundtrack piped directly into your ears. You now have to listen to what other people have to say–whether it's thought-provoking or damaging to your brain. God overhears inane conversation from all over the world. Imagine how He feels.
Sinful snack. Let's face it. Junk food is a part of our lives. Just like dandruff.
6. Junk food. The only thinly sliced "finger food" that you should be eating at this point are Communion wafers. No, you can't eat any of that so-called vegetarian chicharon because it's just junk food in health food's clothing. Evil works in mysterious ways, too.
Restricted blessings. Apparently, the trick is to take them in small doses. They're not Gummi Bears, after all.
7. Painkillers. You're not going to let those guys who volunteer to get crucified get all the penitensiya glory, are you? You're going to grin and bear it even when you've got a bad migraine attack. This does not mean that you should induce one. If it doesn't set in during the time specified, it means God loves you.
Green gospel. You know your mind's way too dirty if you think this video is X-rated. Warning: The video is not safe for work, kids, cute furry animals, and other sensitive creatures.
8. Porn. Give the YouPorn.com and Spankwire.com servers a break. Also, remember what happened to poor Onan when he "took matters into his own hands." You also should stop replaying your most memorable "fleshy encounters" (be it reel or real) in your head. You sin with your thoughts, too, you know.
Carnivorous temptation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. Red meat is bad–but why does it have to taste so damn good? If you can't eat it, just look at it while you wait until you can taste it again.
9. Red meat. Your oral fixation for bloody red meat–and its mind-blowing variants such as bacon, ham, salami, corned beef, chorizo, and others–may make you an easy target for evil spirits. All they'd have to do is dangle a strip of bacon in front of you and you'd probably offer your soul in exchange. To strengthen your resolve to resist temptation, ditch the meaty delights.
Smoky miracle. Back in the 1950s, crazy cigarette ads implied that smoking was healthy. Smokers were spoiled rotten back then. Relive those days by watching this old ad over and over again.
10. Smoking. The only time smoking was welcomed in the Biblical era was when God took the form of a Burning Bush. That's why smokers are considered the most sinful lot–way ahead of corrupt politicians who kill 57 people in one go and commission a backhoe to dig up a mass grave for them. You have a lot of praying to do. It's best for you to give up the nicotine before you give up the ghost.
Note: Please don't take this list seriously. It has not yet been certified by the Vatican. Obviously, it never will be.
SPOT.ph wants to know: What did you give up for Holy Week?
Artwork by Warren Espejo.