Top 10 Websites That Could Get You Fired
The most not-safe-for-work sites that'll help you lose your job faster than you can say, "Deviation!"
The Net has provided the much-needed relief for work-related stress. But beware! There are sites that are totally Not Safe for Work. Here are 10 of them. (Just make sure nobody's looking over your shoulder while you're reading this list.)
1. NSFW: Not Safe for Work
Core competency: The site, which is billed as "an Internet comic strip for unsafe workers and childish grown-ups," features naughty cartoon strips that can make green-minded Gary Lising green with envy. Ever seen talking sperm cells? This is where they swim.
Guilty pleasure: Let's face it, everybody loves a green joke. Those who say they don't are pretentious twerps or sad prudes who'll one day find the meaning of their lives in knitting.
Deviation notice: Better start job hunting if your boss catches you busting your gut laughing at this one, especially if you just grunt absentmindedly whenever he tells you his knock-knock jokes.
Core competency: This "archive of disturbing illustration" is a shock site devoted to morbid curiosities. There are graphic photographs of decapitations, deformities, violent acts, suicides, autopsies, and sex acts that are more perverse than any bukkake film in your porn collection.
Guilty pleasure: Try as you might, you just can't turn away from a bloody eight-vehicle smash-up. (It's almost as good as a classic Lito Lapid flick.)
Deviation notice: Try using any of the pictures here as your desktop wallpaper and you'll never be treated the same way again in the office, you sick freak.
Core competency: It's the official Web site of the company that claims to produce the world's most realistic love dolls. In fact, they claim that their product is "the original doll that started it all." They also boast, "Our dolls feature completely articulated skeletons which allow for anatomically correct positioning."
Guilty pleasure: Want to screw your favorite porn star? Dream on. But thanks to the people behind Real Doll, there is light shining at the end of the sleaze tunnel. If you have a few thousand dollars to spare, you can order a customized doll with the face of your choice.
Deviation notice: Ordering a Real Doll is one thing, but having it delivered to your office is another. You'll never know if your boss might want to borrow it someday.
Core competency: This site has everything you want to know about cannabis sativa but were afraid to ask.
Guilty pleasure: Admit it, you're curious about what those reggae dudes are taking that makes them so damn hip and groovy. Marijuana may just help you stay mellow during meeting with idiotic clients.
Deviation notice: Don't be surprised if your office orders random drug testing after you're caught clicking on this site. God help you if you actually smoked some weed.
Core competency: This site contains a collection of anonymously contributed client horror stories from graphic designers.
Guilty pleasure: Get to know what it's like for artists to be told what to do by people who appear to have forgotten how to use their brains.
Deviation notice: You don't know your company's vision, mission, and goals but can recite almost all stories in this site. If you still have your job by Christmas, consider yourself very lucky.
Core competency: Having problems with Bosses from Hell? Don't worry. Heaven has provided an answer, and it's just a mouse click away. The site promises to teach you "how to deal with a difficult boss."
Guilty pleasure: Of course, you want to find out ways to deal with difficult bosses other than kissing his ass.
Deviation notice: Even if your boss is colorblind, the arrogant schmuck will surely see red if he catches you checking out this Web site.
Core competency: Though the site is billed as "a look at corporate America from inside the cubicle farm," cubicle workers all over the world can relate to the funny anecdotes from some of America's nine-to-five corporate slaves.
Guilty pleasure: You just want to be reminded that funny things still happen inside those big cavernous white walls in places like Ortigas and Makati, where people worship a weird Indian deity named Career.
Deviation notice: You can be the king of the cubicle, but not for long if your superior notices that you've been spending more and more time going through this site and missing more and more deadlines.
Core competency: This site gives you a chance to brutalize your boss without actually harming him. You get to choose 20 ways to kill him.
Guilty pleasure: Admit it. You want to throw your boss out of the window. You just don't have the guts to do so.
Deviation notice: Consider yourself among the unemployed when your boss catches you having a wickedly fun time with this one even on lunch break.
Core competency: Work-related gripes and rants sent by corporate malcontents from all over the world.
Guilty pleasure: Every loser is happy to connect with kindred spirits.
Deviation notice: Be prepared to lose your job when your boss catches you checking out this site even on lunch break, especially after you praised him at your team building seminar.
Core competency: An online medium where a corporate slave can bitch, rant, or spread nasty rumors about an officemate. Complaints can be as valid as a workmate's unethical behavior or as trivial as his or her fashion sense.
Guilty pleasure: It's always good to read about the freaks and weirdos in offices around the globe, especially if they make the freaks and weirdos in your own office look like nice ordinary people.
Deviation notice: This site can be addicting. One day you're just reading entries, the next day you're already an active contributor. It'll only be a matter of time before your nosy co-worker tells on you.
Art by Warren Espejo.