1. FIRST FAMILY ATTENDS DALAW PREMIERE. The real horror movie will be if (or when) Kris Aquino falls in love again.
2. CHRISTMAS PARTY HELD FOR KIDS IN PAYATAS. Great...so we can look away for the rest of the year.
3. ORGANIC LECHON AVAILABLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS. "Organic lechon" is right up there with "diet cola."
4. THREE BROTHERS WED THEIR SWEETHEARTS AT THE SAME TIME IN PASAY CITY. So much for sukob, eh?
5. SOME EMPLOYEES GET THEIR 13TH MONTH PAY AT THE LAST MINUTE. It’s their companies’ way of saying, "Who’s your daddy?"
6. SEN. ANTONIO TRILLANES IV IS OUT, SAYS HE’LL RUN FOR THE SENATE AGAIN. As the line from The Dark Knight goes: "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
7. RETIRED MAJ. GEN. CARLOS GARCIA, WHO’S ACCUSED OF STEALING MILLIONS, OUT ON P60,000 BAIL. This kinda beats winning the lotto.
8. OGIE ALCASID AND REGINE VELASQUEZ’S NUPTIALS BILLED AS "WEDDING OF THE DECADE." It sucks when the "wedding of the decade" is upstaged by a racy pre-nuptial video. (We’re talking about you, Maggie and Victor.)
9. THE CHURCH SLAMS DOLPHY FOR NASTY SCENES IN FATHER JEJEMON. How can they be mean to a man who is (presumably) against the use of condoms? (How many children does he have again?)
10. ANNABELLE RAMA SAYS SON RICHARD GUTIERREZ IS UNUSUALLY CLOSE TO SOLENN HEUSAFF. When this woman is unusually cheerful, it’s time to run for cover.
Art by Warren Espejo. Photos from PEP.ph.