Bongbong’s reality bites, Mystica heals, Azkals’ dilemma + more lowlights

Plus: Justin Bieber’s $40,000 hair, Charlie Sheen’s downward spiral, and more.

1. AFTER SEXUALLY ABUSING HER, LASCIVIOUS COLLEGE DEAN BLACKMAILS HIS STUDENT VIA FACEBOOK. Would it be too much to wish him dead?

 

4. SEN. BONGBONG MARCOS INSISTS HIS LATE FATHER, FORMER PRESIDENT FERDINAND MARCOS, WAS NOT INVOLVED IN HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES. Perhaps, the senator is a test subject for an alternate reality experiment.

 

5. SENATORS SLAM THE LIGOT FAMILY’S "DUBIOUS WEALTH." But will any of them ever go to jail?

 

6. CBCP SAYS THEY’RE OK WITH GAYS AND LESBIANS, BUT THEY’RE AGAINST "HOMOSEXUAL ACTS." That’s like saying, "Go ahead and be 50 percent of yourself." (In case you missed it, the right to a sex life isn’t just for heterosexuals, you know.)

 

7. RELATIVES OF MAGUINDANAO MASSACRE VICTIMS STILL WAITING FOR JUSTICE. Dear P-Noy... How about moving this up on your to-do list?

 

8. ERSTWHILE ACTRESS KATRINA PAULA DENIES BEING PART OF A CARJACKING RING. When asked about her relationship with the suspected carjacking group leader, she said, "Wala po kaming relasyon, nagkataon lang po na may anak (na) kami." (And the joke writes itself.)

 

10. AZKALS PHIL AND JAMES YOUNGHUSBAND’S LOVE LIVES SEEM TO GET MORE COVERAGE THAN THE SPORT. We can’t say we’re complaining...but hardcore football fans may be ready to kick something.

 

Art by Warren Espejo

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