Ethel Booba tries arson, Ramon Revilla Sr. gets a statue + more lowlights

Plus, Pacman calls out Mommy Dionisia’s Twitter impersonator, government goes after radiation hoax text perpetrators + more lowlights.

1. PACMAN CALLS OUT HIS MOM’S TWITTER IMPERSONATOR. Too bad you can’t throw punches on Twitter.

 

2. BATAAN NUCLEAR POWER PLANT OFFICIALS SAY THE LONG-DORMANT STRUCTURE IS READY TO OPERATE AND SAFE. Until disaster strikes and we all wake up with superpowers or an extra ear. (Or maybe we’ll never wake up at all.)

 

3. THE GOVERNMENT VOWS TO GO AFTER "RADIATION HOAX TEXT" RINGLEADERS. The government also vowed to catch the Maguindanao massacre masterminds and look at what’s happening to that case now.

 

4. HARSHER PENALTIES PUSHED FOR DRUNK OR DRUGGED DRIVERS. Put them to good use as live crash test dummies.

 

5. A SCHOOL IS FOUND GUILTY OF "ATTEMPTED CHEATING" ON THE NATIONAL ACHIEVEMENT TEST. Dishonesty is the best policy.

6. THE ACCIDENT-PRONE COMMONWEALTH AVENUE IS NOW ALLEGEDLY SAFER. Welcome to The Land of Low Expectations, where "safer" just means a lower body count.

 

7. TROUBLESOME PASSENGER ATTACKS JEEPNEY DRIVER WITH A HAMMER. Commuter rage is the new road rage.

 

8. RAMON REVILLA SR. GETS A STATUE FOR HIS 84TH BIRTHDAY. There’s no other way to honor a man who supposedly fathered 80 children.

 

9. ETHEL BOOBA SETS A CONDO UNIT ON FIRE AFTER SHE FINDS OUT THAT HER BOYFRIEND IS GAY. Somewhere out there Alex Crisano is thanking his lucky tattoos.

 

10. EAT BULAGA HOSTS SAY THAT THEY’RE NOT GOING TO HOP TO ANOTHER TV NETWORK. If they want to help the country, they can move to NBN 4. (God knows, that channel needs some fun.)

 

Art by Warren Espejo

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