1. PRESIDENTIAL SPOKESMAN EDWIN LACIERDA TRIES TO PUT OUT ANOTHER "FIRE." It’s amazing how he can look perpetually irritated and sleepy at the same time. (For heaven’s sake, go to a spa or something.)
2. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION SUSPENDS CLASSES EVEN WITHOUT PAGASA’S TYPHOON DECLARATION. We wonder where they got that dose of common sense.
3. PROBE REVEALS THAT RICH BILIBID INMATES GET TO HAVE THEIR OWN ROOMS AND GOODIES LIKE PIRATED PRISON BREAK DVDS. Well, you can’t get arrested by the Optical Media Board when you’re already in jail.
4. SUDDENLY, ANTI-RH BILL SENATOR TITO SOTTO IS TALKING LIKE HE’S THE DEFENDER OF MORALITY. Two words: Pepsi Paloma.
5. "BANGKANG PAPEL" BOY FINDS OUT HIS SCHOLARSHIP IS IN LIMBO SINCE GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO IS NO LONGER PRESIDENT. Suddenly, this "daang matuwid" thing doesn’t look so good.
6. MMDA WANTS TO BAN "SMOKING SCENES" IN PHILIPPINE MOVIES. Observe: This is stupidity at its best.
7. PHIL YOUNGHUSBAND AND ANGEL LOCSIN KEEP THE PUBLIC GUESSING. Maybe they’re still realigning their goals.
8. JOLINA MAGDANGAL AND MARK ESCUETA ANNOUNCE THEIR ENGAGEMENT ON PARTY PILIPINAS. We’re happy for you, Jolina...but is that show becoming an engagement venue or what?
9. THE MUCH-AWAITED BREAKING DAWN TRAILER IS OUT. Memo to prisoners: Trade Prison Break for Breaking Dawn and the DOJ will leave you alone.
10. P-NOY GIVES DOTC POST TO MAR ROXAS. Thank God somebody resigned because P-Noy was on the verge of declaring him First BFF.
Art by Warren Espejo.