Miriam gets married again, Marian weeps + more lowlights

Plus, P-Noy disses his cabinet members, Geneva Cruz is PETA’s "Sexiest Vegetarian" + more lowlights.

 

1. P-NOY REVEALS THAT THREE CABINET MEMBERS ALWAYS GIVE HIM A HEADACHE. Sir, you should either grow some balls and fire them or buy yourself enough aspirin to last until 2016.

 

2. PETA POLL HAILS GENEVA CRUZ AS THE COUNTRY’S ’SEXIEST VEGETARIAN." Congratulations, but please, we’ve had enough of naked vegetarians posing with strategically-positioned lettuce leaves.

3. EXPERTS WONDER IF GRAPHIC IMAGES COULD CONVINCE SMOKERS TO QUIT THEIR HABIT. Yes, just like traffic signs convince people not to go over the speed limit.

 

4. MARIAN RIVERA SHEDS TEARS OVER HER RUMORED TIFF WITH HEART EVANGELISTA. The question most of us want to ask: Are the tears real or "reel?"

5. THE SPRATLY ISLANDS DISPUTE RAGES ON. Let China have them, we can barely take care of our 7,107 islands!

 

6. EMBATTLED LTO CHIEF VIRGINIA TORRES WEEPS, SAYS SHE WAS GOING TO RESIGN BUT HER 84-YEAR-OLD MOTHER STOPPED HER. Then maybe your mom should be LTO chief.

7. MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, SEN. MIRIAM DEFENSOR-SANTIAGO AND HER HUSBAND RENEW THEIR VOWS WITH P-NOY AS BEST MAN. It’s sweet...but your decision to make the President your best man is highly suspect. We won’t even bother to ask about why Heart Evangelista was your Maid of Honor...

 

8. VICE PRESIDENT JEJOMAR BINAY’S WEBSITE GETS HACKED. Oh, we can relate to this techie drama.

9. ACTRESS KRIS BERNAL CONSIDERS "GOING SEXY." Er, are you going vegetarian, too?

 

10. HEART EVANGELISTA GOES TO BRAZIL WITH DANIEL MATSUNAGA, SKIPS TEMPTATION ISLAND PREMIERE. For your career’s sake, we hope this one’s for keeps.

 

Art by Warren Espejo.

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