Winners & Losers of the Week: Chiz Escudero, Heart Evangelista + others

Who played it safe and who got reckless this week

 

(SPOT.ph) We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.

 

 

WINNER: Ignatius Michael D. Ingles, for being No. 1 in the 2012 bar exams and for cracking a self-deprecating joke about lawyers. (So we’re sure he won’t be suing us for libel.)

 

 

WINNER: Lucy Torres-Gomez, for getting disqualified from Congress just weeks before the polls-which doesn’t really mean much since she’s running for Congress again anyway. (She described politics as "laro ng mga demonyo," but she’s still pretty lucky despite being in the Devil’s Playground.)

 

 

WINNER: Kris Aquino , for once again attracting attention to her love life-or what passes for it right now. (Just when you thought she was all Zen, she proves that she’ll never change.)

 

 

WINNERS: Cecille and Rey Ongpauco-parents of actress Heart Evangelista-for calling a press conference in an attempt to make their daughter cut ties with Senator Chiz Escudero. (We love your never-say-die parenting style, but your daughter is already 28 years old.)

 

 

WINNER: Senator Chiz Escudero, for getting free publicity. (It always helps during the campaign season.)

 

LOSER: Senate hopeful Jack Enrile, whose convoy got shot at. (This plot sounds very, very familiar.)

 

 

LOSER: Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago, for getting depressed over the Chiz-Heart’s parents saga. (It’s her own personal reality telenovela.)

 

 

LOSERS: Dolphy’s grandson, Rodolfo Quizon III, for getting busted for possession of marijuana and Valium. (This is not funny, sonny.)

 

 

LOSER: James Yap, for getting into a major smackdown with Kris Aquino. (He looks so sad and baffled in his interviews.)

 

 

LOSER: Heart Evangelista, for having her mom announce to the public that she’s a "needy personality" and that her choice in men sucks. (Really, where does one go from here?)

 

 

Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from TV shows and news clips

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