Winners & Losers of the Week: Kuya Germs, Sharon Stone + others

We list who smiled and who cried.


( We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.



WINNER: Bill Gates , for offering $100,000 to anyone who can reinvent the condom. (Sakto! The soon-to-be released Condoms come in a variety of Pinoy food flavors. Wire us the money ASAP, Bill!)



WINNER: Tiya Pusit, 64, for getting engaged to her 27-year-old boyfriend. (To borrow a line from that Lionel Richie song, "She’s once, twice, three times the cougar.")



WINNER: Ai Ai de las Alas , for marrying a guy who’s 20 years her junior. (It must be kind of strange to marry someone who’s old enough to be your child, but, we wish you live happily ever after.)



WINNER: Bureau of Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon, for being supported by Malacañang despite calls for his resignation. (Some guys have all the luck .)



WINNER: German "Kuya Germs" Moreno, for marking his 50th year in Pinoy showbiz. (Because co-dependency is not a virtue.)


LOSER: Krista Miller, for doing her own men’s magazine stint right after Sunshine Cruz did hers. ("Delicadeza," like "honesty," is such a lonely word.)



LOSER: Boaracay, for being "overdeveloped." (It’s more fun if we save the island from getting completely trashed.)




LOSERS: The Tubbataha Reef, for getting hit by yet another big ship...this time it’s Chinese. (What is the matter with these people?)



LOSER: Rep. Jack Enrile , for being haunted by all his past controversies. (Somebody’s not happy about your Senate bid, Jackie.)



LOSER: Sharon Stone , for suing her Pinay maid-who had accused her of being racist and was the first to sue her for wrongful dismissal-for not being able to pay off her loan. (Maybe if you hadn’t fired her then she would have been able to pay what she allegedly owes you.)


Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from and screenshots from, TV shows, and news clips

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