(SPOT.ph) We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.
WINNER: MMDA Chairman Atty. Francis Tolentino, for writing to The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown and insisting that Manila is the "doorway to heaven" and not as "hellish" as depicted in Brown’s new novel. (As British scientist Richard Dawkins pointed out: "A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence." We love Manila, but let’s get real!)
WINNER: Gerald Anderson, for finally announcing that Maja Salvador is indeed his girlfriend. (Now, brace yourself for the wrath of die-hard Kimerald fans.)
WINNER: Richard Gomez, for calmly accepting his defeat in the Ormoc City mayoralty race. (If you have the resources, you can always keep trying.)
WINNER: Judy Ann Santos, for ignoring rumors alleging that she and husband Ryan Agoncillo have "secretly" called it quits by saying, "Sa napakaraming tsismosa dito sa Pilipinas, maisi-secret mo ba ang annulment?" (She has a point.)
WINNER: Ai Ai delas Alas, for immediately ending a marriage that wasn’t making her happy. (That’s why you should never marry a man who’s young enough to be your son and demands a car from you. Red flags, girl, red-freaking-flags!)
LOSER: President Noynoy Aquino, for having Presidential Security Group members who are accused of robbery. (Oh, we feel so safe now.)
LOSER: Manila Police District, for getting their water supply cut off. (Well, this is what happens when your unpaid bill runs up to P8 million.)
LOSER: Vice President Jejomar Binay, for being hounded by rumors that he has lupus. (What next?)
LOSERS: DILG Secretary Mar Roxas and Senator Bong Revilla, for engaging in a tiff that’s too confusing for us to keep up with. (Wrap it up, guys. We all know that fiascos involving people in power don’t lead anywhere.)
LOSER: Justin Bieber, for threatening to sue anyone who talks about his parties. (Two words for you, Bieber: "Papansin ka!")
Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from TMZ.com, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.