Winners & Losers of the Week: Charice Pempengco, Michael Douglas + others

(SPOT.ph) We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.

WINNER: KC Concepcion, for agreeing to be the kontrabida in the upcoming primetime soap, Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala, where she’ll do to Judy Ann Santos what Cherie Gil used to do to Sharon Cuneta. (It’s more fun being bad.)

WINNERS: Annabelle Rama and Nadia Montenegro, for ending their rift. (Shouldn’t there be a waiting period before we rejoice over this?)

WINNER: Senator Juan Ponce Enrile, for giving up being Senate president before he could be ousted. (Life Lesson from Manong Johnny: It’s better to leave before you get kicked out.)

WINNER: Daniel Matsunaga, for looking hot on Men’s Health Philippines’ June 2013 cover. (Thank you, Heart Evangelista, for letting go of this fine specimen.)

WINNER: Charice Pempengco, for coming out. (We salute your grit, girl! Now, please, get style tips from Ellen DeGeneres.)

LOSER: Sarah Lahbati, for having an arrest warrant issued against her. (From StarStruck to being struck down by a libel charge.)

LOSER: Senator Tito Sotto, for declaring that he’ll resign as Senate majority leader. (Gaya-gaya ka kay Manong Johnny. Why don’t you go all the way and resign as senator?)

LOSERS: The fans of the Hong Kong football team who harrassed the Azkals players and fans, for acting like ruffians. (Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.)

LOSERS: Rocky Gutierrez (and his unnamed girlfriend), for allegedly going bersek and vandalizing a car that he thought had stolen his parking slot. (We’d tell him to chill out...but what’s the point?)

LOSER: Michael Douglas, for confusing people about the effects of oral sex, as he initially claimed that it caused his throat cancer. (Think before you quip, dude.)

Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from TMZ.com, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.