Winners & Losers of the Week: Janine Tugonon, Kanye West + others

(SPOT.ph) We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.

WINNER: Megan Young, for saying that she prefers to be single. (We wonder if she realizes that making such a declaration is also one of the best ways to get a boyfriend ASAP.)

WINNER: Gloc-9, for refusing to be called "The King of Rap" or "The Prince of Rap." (Bravo! Humility is as rare as common sense.)

WINNER: Venus Raj, for choosing not to divulge the "real reason" why she broke up with boyfriend Andrei Felix. (If you keep mum, you’ll avoid making major, major mistakes.)

WINNER: Judy Ann Santos, for taking up Krav Maga to prepare for her latest soap opera, Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala. (Wow, she’s come a long way from her typical inaapi days, where she once got her face dunked into a basin full of wet, soapy clothes.)

WINNER: Janine Tugonon, for saying it was all her fault that her relationship with longtime boyfriend Jaypee Santos ended. (But, wait, why is she still talking about this?)

LOSER: Kuh Ledesma, for saying, "Kasi, noong nilikha ni Lord si Adam at si Eve, wala naman si Frank!" when asked about her take on men falling for other men. (Lady, you’re on a TV show that’s about a man who’s in love with another guy, so maybe you could have said, "I can’t comment on that because I’m not a gay man." And who the hell is Frank?)

LOSER: Senator Antonio Trillanes IV, for pointing out that, "Enrile gave us lechon, P-Noy granted our amnesty" when he and his colleagues were detained for the Oakwood Mutiny. (But you ate the lechon, right?)

LOSERS: Diether Ocampo and John Lloyd Cruz, for being rumored to have nearly engaged in a fistfight. (We smell "publicity stunt.") Screenshot of ABS-CBN publicity photos, as posted on PinoyRepublic.net

LOSER: Raquel Pempengco, for dismissing her daughter Charice’s lesbianism as a mere phase. (Ma’am, she came out to you when she was 18. She’s now 21 and hasn’t changed her mind. How long do you think this phase will last? About 60 years?)

LOSER: Kanye West, for going ballistic when paparazzi greeted him, "Happy birthday!" (Why can’t he be as cheerful as Taylor Swift?)

Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from TMZ.com, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.