Winners & Losers of the Week: Jose Rizal, Carrie Fisher + others

(SPOT.ph) We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.

WINNER: Lea Salonga, for tweeting this message: "Haters gonna hate, and that’s fine and good. But don’t tag me. It’s like taking a dump then asking me to look at it. Rude." (We heard the sound of a whip, perfect pitch.)

WINNER: Kris Aquino, for being proud of the fact that she’s a stage mom to son Bimby, saying, "Mapapahiya si Mommy Divine." (She’s your role model? Do you want your son to be The 40-Year-Old, Er, Singer?)

WINNER: Manny Pacquiao, for wanting to help out Pinoy boxers by planning a national boxing championship tournament. (Welcome back, Pacman....even though you never really left.)

WINNER: Amanda Griffin-Jacob , for being named this year’s Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity in the Philippines by PETA. (We don’t have to be vegetarian to concur.)

WINNER: Jose Rizal, for being one of the people who thought that the Philippines was worth dying for. (We marked the 152nd year since his birth. He was born on June 19, 1861, in case you forgot.)

LOSER: Cesar Montano, for saying that he’ll try to win back estranged wife Sunshine Cruz. (Do you want us to remind you how you lost her in the first place?)

LOSER: Rep. Jack Enrile, for being tagged as the biggest spender among the Senate hopefuls. (He spent over ₱150 million for nothing.)

LOSER: Tennis star Serena Williams, for saying that the 16-year-old victim in the Steubenville, Ohio rape case put herself in a precarious position by getting drunk at a party. (To be fair, Williams apologized for her insensitive remark. Unfortunately, the damage was done.)

LOSERS: Daiana Menezes and Rep. Benjo Benaldo, for confusing everyone about the state of their relationship. (What have you two been drinking?)

LOSER: Carrie Fisher (the woman who played Star Wars’ Princess Leia), for making a fool of herself when was a presenter at the Daytime Emmy Awards show with her drug-themed spiel, which she began with, "Hi, I'm Carrie, I'm an alcoholic. And a drug addict." (Why couldn’t she just have greeted the audience with, "May the force be with you?")

Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from TMZ.com, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.