Public Speaking: 10 Cliché Political Phrases and What They Really Mean

You always have to read between the lines.



( In showbiz, when someone says, "We’re just friends," nobody believes it. Everyone thinks it’s just a coy way of saying, "Yes, we’re exclusively dating" or "We’ve moved in together and already have a secret love child." Aside from the default "friends" statement, there are so many more vague quips associated with the people of the entertainment industry. We hear a similar tune from the realm of politics, which is pretty much the same banana as showbiz.


We list 10 often-heard, standard issue statements and offer these close approximations of what they really mean.



Sometimes, they say it best when they say nothing at all. Unfortunately, they always say a lot even when they don’t have much to say. (Disclaimer: This year’s SONA was fine enough, but we prefer Ramon Bautista’s seconds-only version. Read on. It’s down there somewhere.)



The denial

What they say: "I categorically deny any involvement in the issue."

What it could mean: "Pakshet, I hope you don’t find out that these people you’re accusing of being involved in the scam are my friends!"



Private life

What they say: "We do not issue official statements on the mayor’s love life."

What it could mean: "Hayan na ang headlines n’yo for the next six weeks so you’ll leave us alone to implement all the illogical ordinances we want."



Investigative ventures

What they say: "We must refrain from making accusatory statements because the investigation is still ongoing."


What it could mean: "Wait lang, ha? We’re giving the people involved, who are our allies, a chance to redeem themselves before we tell everyone a partial version of what happened."



National condition

What they say: All the SONAs

What it could mean: "Guys, relax. OK ang bansa natin. Palakpakan naman d’yan." (This statement was tweeted by comedian Ramon Bautista.)



Group work

What they say: "We shall be forming a study group/technical working group to look more closely into the matter."

What it could mean: "Ano ba talaga kasi yang punyetang matter na yan?!"



Negotiation blues

What they say: "We’re hoping that the negotiations will yield favorable results."

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What it could mean: "Malabo pa rin pero negotiate lang nang negotiate para ’di sabihing walang ginagawa."



Change agent

What they say: "The new administration shall be instituting significant reforms."

What it could mean: "We’re gonna totally undo everything the past administration has done because we hate them. They can’t sit with us because we’re destroying their chairs!"



Happy ending

What they say: "At the end of the day, we will still be dealing with these issues in our best capacity."

What it could mean: "Mga alipin, tumahimik na kayo at tapusin na ang pesteng press conference na ito! Alam naman natin na kahit anong sabihin o gawin n’yo ako pa rin masusunod dito."



Incident report

What they say: "We assure the public that we have the situation under control."

What it could mean: "Sa totoo lang, we don’t."




Fight club

What they say: "We just have a difference in opinion on some issues."

What it could mean: "We hate each other’s guts."


And an extra cliché from the public political hearings:


Discreet Confession

What they say: "I invoke my right against self-incrimination."

What it could mean: "Guys, obvious ba? Hindi ko aaminin pero ako nga ang nagnakaw at nagwaldas ng pera n’yo."

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