Winners & Losers of the Week: Jollibee, Derek Ramsay, Cristine Reyes + others

We list whom we found amusing and whom we found disturbing.


( We list the personalities who experienced highs and lows this week. Admittedly, not all the winners may be ecstatic and not all the losers may be devastated. Life is complicated, folks. Remember: Don’t take everything literally and make sure to read between the lines...if you can find them. It’s up to you to guess when we mean what we say or when we’re putting on the snark. It keeps things interesting.




WINNER: Mocha Uson, for telling people to practice "responsible horniness." (We like the sound of that.)




WINNER: Miss World Philippines national director Cory Quirino, for saying, "We have made history and have proven once and for all that the Filipina is the most beautiful woman in the world! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas." (It’s a great statement...until you find out they asked already-gorgeous Megan Young to lose 25 pounds for the competition, too.)




WINNERS: Ramon Bautista and Jinri Park, for being rumored to be together. (Our reaction: "Faith in love restored!") [Screenshot of photo from the RX 93.1 Facebook page]




WINNER: Basketball player Chris Tiu , for reportedly getting hitched. (We hear the collective heartbreak of thousands of young girls.)




WINNER: Jollibee, for getting dragged into the pork barrel scam probe. (If they call in the Jollibee mascot to testify, we can be sure that there’s at least one trustworthy figure in the sorry mess.)


LOSER: Rep. Ashley Acedillo, for proposing to his girlfriend during a budget hearing in Congress. (Three "throwback" words: Style mo bulok. But, hey, best wishes!) [Screenshot from UNTV video clip]





LOSERS: Police stations who have "doctored" their reports, for making us all believe that crime rates are going down when they aren’t. (What a creative way to curb crime!)




LOSER: Janet Napoles, for no longer having anyone to brush her teeth or prepare her milk baths. (So kawawa naman, let’s forgive her na and just tell her to make sauli the pera para ’di na mad as hell si Papa Jesus.) 




LOSERS: The Barretto Clan, for their neverending feuds and sub-feuds. (We almost can’t keep up with who’s mad at whom and who’s suing whom.)




LOSERS: Derek Ramsay and Cristine Reyes, for breaking up barely a month after publicly declaring their love for each other. (Easy come, easy go?)


Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from and screenshots from Facebook fan pages, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.

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