(SPOT.ph) This week, a business card went viral and the letters E and A became quite infamous. If that made you feel cynical, take a gold medal care of Olympian Daniel Caluag. He’s our first big winner from this year’s Asian Games, ruling the BMX cycling event on Wednesday. More good news comes in the form of the approval of an Anti-Discrimination Ordinance in Quezon City. Finally, a government policy that isn’t silly or ridiculous.
If you really feel like there isn’t enough substantial and positive things happening, check out what the citizens of Hong Kong are doing to make a change. Maybe we should start investing in goggles and plastic ponchos.
1. "Hindi ko binibigyan ng masyadong pansin ang survey na 'yan dahil nakatutok tayo sa ating trabaho." - DILG Secretary Mar Roxas, on his improving numbers in the "Presidentiable Polls."
Deep inside, we know you feel kilig.
2. "Hindi ako tatalikod sa aking sinumpaang tungkulin. Hindi ako papayag na mananalo ang katiwalian. Ipagpapatuloy ko ang aking paglilingkod sa bayan." - Philippine National Police (PNP) Chief Director General Alan Purisima, firing back at people calling for his resignation (sounding a bit like Sailor Moon).
We feel compelled to borrow from contemporary jargon to express our thoughts with accessible clarity: weh.
3. "Itong mga kaibigan mo [who donated money to build the P11 million "White House" in Camp Crame], they are not doing that out of the goodness their heart. As long as you are in office, alam nila may makukuha sila." - Senator Sergio Osmeña III, grilling PNP Chief Purisima.
We have nothing to add to that, your honor.
Screencap of Alyzza Agustin’s apology from Top Gear Philippines
4. "Naniniwala po ako na ang bawat isa sa atin ay may pagkukulang din naman sa daan. Pasensya na po sa aking pagkakamali." - Model Alyzza Agustin, on her lapse in judgment that went viral.
Folks, it’s just not a good idea to brag about doing something wrong...but saying she has "boobs for brains" is neither funny nor constructive. People make mistakes. John 8:7.
5. "Nakikipag sapalaran [ako] sa bansang ’di ko naman kinalakihan. Napasama ako sa mga malalaking TV shows, pero pagdating ko dito, iba pa rin ang hinahanap as akin, iba pa rin ang nilalait sa akin-pananalita ko, itsura ko, mga sinusuot ko, buhok ko, sekswalidad ko, buhay ko, lahat na." - Singer Charice, on people being...severely disappointing.
Unfortunately, pandaraot is the unofficial national hobby. But we have a message from Herr Nietzsche: "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
6. "When I was younger, I wasted so much tears and time harboring pain just because I didn't get some people's approval. I've realized that all I had to do was appreciate the things that I did have." - Actress Toni Gonzaga, on bashers.
Sometimes, you really just have to shake it off cause all they’re ever gonna be is mean. (Taylor Swiftisms are almost as good as Nietzsche wisdom.)
7. "There is some brief nudity in this movie...The penis is in there! It costs extra, it’s IMAX penis!" - Actor and Director Ben Affleck, on the rumor that his penis made a debut in Gone Girl.
As if we need another reason to check out the film. Shall we add him to the list of Top 10 Male Frontal Nudity Scenes From Movies?
8. "I want to give her one to two years na siya lang. Married couples, they tell us na kapag nagka-anak ka raw, nagiging child-centered yung marriage. I think, dapat, wife-centered muna." - Singer Richard Poon, on his life with Maricar Reyes.
We would like one order of Richard Poon, please.
9. "The Human Rights Commission gave my mother a certification that there were no human rights cases against any of us." - Senator Bongbong Marcos, on human rights violations.
Dead men tell no tales.
10. "Enlarge your circle of friends. The more friends you meet, the more likely you will find someone who will take the place of the unresponsive person." - Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago’s advice on how to move on.
In other words: There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you should go for the people on the shore.
Art by Warren Espejo, with photos from PEP.ph and screenshots from Facebook fan pages, various TV show videos, news clips, and images used by fans in YouTube slideshows.