Passion Fills the Heart, But It Won’t Pay the Bills

(SPOT.ph) I see my OB-GYN’s mouth move while she hands over my prescription, yet I don’t fully comprehend what she's saying. She repeats her statement. I need surgery, and before that, I have to take all these medicines. I have just one question for her: Can my health insurance cover all this? Because I know I can’t pay for it, not on my current salary.

I’m a news writer, and while writing how-tos and breaking news bring my heart joy and I’m grateful to be in this industry, the pay isn’t much—not if you factor in the mental toll and on-call hours that eat up my rest (and vacation) days. Introducing passion wage, or what you get if you are willing to accept less money for more experiences and possibly a more fulfilling career, at least emotionally.

That visit to the OB made me grateful for the company HMO, but I still had more than P5,000 worth of medicines to purchase. How can I live on a passion wage when the bills are piling up, and I can almost hear my card whimper every time I dip into my savings to pay for medication, or even the groceries? The 3 a.m. musings happen more often as I question myself: is being passionate enough to stay in the grind that pays less than some jobs? Or is it time to explore the greener pastures outside the industry?

It’s the total opposite of what Selene (not her real name), a 30-something data analyst-turned-lifestyle writer, asked herself when the COVID-19 pandemic struck, forcing her to assess her life choices—including her career. Is this the sign to make a life-changing decision to switch jobs and pursue her passion in the creatives, even if it means accepting just a quarter of her current salary to start fresh in a new industry? Never mind the long hours and low pay, or even the toxic work environment—as long as she’s following her heart and she’s happy…. right?

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Choosing a job you love, even if it offers a passion pay

You’ve heard of the cliché “find a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” It’s internal motivation at work, and there’s a sense of fulfillment working at something you enjoy. In my and Selene’s case, it’s writing.

While it has always been Selene’s passion to work in creatives, her mother told her that choosing the sciences will guarantee higher pay and more benefits. She obliged and pursued a career in data analysis, a job she held onto for eight years until the pandemic came. She then mused: Are you really living your life if you’re rethinking where you would be now if you were a writer?

“It was just a wake-up call. Parang sh*t, magugunaw na nga lang mundo, ‘di ko pa rin ginagawa ‘yung talagang gusto ko,” she told SPOT.ph. “ If the world were to stay in a pandemic forever or if it were to end suddenly, I just want to be able to say I tried and I have no regrets.”

So she said goodbye to an almost a six-digit salary to become a writer, agreeing to a job offer that paid 75% less. It was lower than her starting salary way back in 2014 “pero sabi nga ng nanay ko, there are intangibles in creatives na ‘di masusukat ng pera.”

“'Yung nakikita kong nailalabas ko ‘yung mga gusto kong sabihin or ‘yung opinion ko and people actually listen and read? Priceless. Expressing your creativity is the trade-off,” she said.

Passion pay is not a new concept. It is popular with our neighbors South Korea and Japan where interns and apprentices are typically not paid (or given a truly modest amount) but people put up with it because they are expected to be passionate enough to accept the job. After all, it pays more than just money; it is personally rewarding. You do the job because you love it, not just because you’re following your boss’ orders.

“I really think I’m only able to do this because I have a support system and safety net and because nakaipon ako in eight years in IT/analytics. Minsan nase-stress ako kasi paubos na ‘yung ipon at ‘di ko mahabol na ibalik but ayun, pikit mata. Iniisip ko na lang I’m investing in myself, in my happiness.”

And it goes beyond passion; it becomes your personality. At times, I find myself tying my identity to my job that when I introduce myself, it’s always “Pia from” this company—even outside work hours. Nevermind the fact that I rarely spend holidays at home, doesn’t matter if the job’s toxic, or that I was under the supervision of a helicopter boss. I was part of a select few who are “fortunate” enough to call our company our second home (because we just have to romanticize it, rationalize it) and that I should be thankful.

Workers who are passionate about their jobs may feel undervalued or overworked, yet are willing to put up with poor working conditions because of their passion, University of Michigan sociology professor Erin Cech said in a BBC article. Employees are also willing to look past potential work downfalls which can lead to exploitation, even burnout. But why won’t they just quit?

“If you then leave that job, or the organization goes away, suddenly you’re at risk of losing a core part of who you think you are, and that can be devastating,” said Cech.

Reality check: passion can’t feed you

Passion is that intrinsic motivation that keeps us going and smiling deep inside even when we feel bone-tired every day. Doesn’t matter if you eat siomai rice every day, because you love what you’re doing. A quick reality check: in this world, you need money to live and that’s what a job is for—basically an exchange of your services and expertise for money. Some of us work to live, not live to work, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Selene loves her current job, even if it is a love-hate relationship. She gets to eat and travel for free, and she always has first dibs on the latest trends. But at the end of the day, the free food from the events won’t last for the entire cut-off, and her work travels are no vacation—it means beating the laptop keyboard furiously until the sun comes up to finish a story. Not to mention, she can’t live on a meager salary forever.

“Even if I want to stay, survival takes precedence,” she said.

“Creatives don’t get paid very well lalo na sa Pilipinas and I really don’t get it. It’s equally hard as STEM, there’s the same pressure, deadlines, and other business things so why are we forced to do this work on a passion basis? Why can’t we get the same treatment as our STEM counterparts?”

Reality bites, and it’s often most felt in the pocket. I felt it even more acutely when I married the love of my life, who is also overworked and underpaid as a college professor. “Love will keep us alive” wasn’t enough. Sure, I didn’t feel it much while working from home; after all, I could eat whatever leftover food we had at home without fear I'll be judged for what's in my tupperware. It did hit extra hard when the company went RTO. It’s bad enough we’re living paycheck to paycheck, even worse that I took on responsibilities beyond what my job description says (Special mention for the notification anxiety I developed from non-stop pinging of Viber alerts so I wouldn’t miss any important news)—now, we had to go to the office, too, even when I accepted a relatively lower salary precisely because I was told it would be a work-from-home set-up.

That’s when I also started revisiting my work life for the past decade: how many times had I skipped personal trips for this job, or brought work to my vacation? How many times have I braved heavy rain just so I can go to work and report all the “Walang Pasok” announcements? How many meals have I delayed for work? (I may be at fault here as there are times it’s self-imposed—several friends have told me over the years that I lack healthy life and work boundaries.)

It’s the unpaid resiliency we mask as hard work that made me question if I see myself staying at this industry for 10 years more. Cue the existential crisis: Despite the years I spent on the job, I know that when I leave, I will not be missed. You see, we are replaceable wherever we go. Even if we die on the job, a new hire will take our place just as easily. The grind never stops, as they say, even if you’re only paid eight hours a day.

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What now?

Whether you’re in a job that pays a passion wage or you’re consider taking a lower pay for a work you’re passionate about, just remember that there will be adjustments in budget, even lifestyle. Maybe you can work on a healthier work-life balance, or maybe you can save up like Selene so you would have enough in the bank to sustain you while you navigate this new career path and weigh your options if, and when, you decide to stay.

Maybe you’re like me who just resigned and is finally jumping into a different industry where you’re unsure whether or not it’s your heart’s calling. A note to self: you can still find fulfillment elsewhere, a.k.a. outside your new career. And who knows, maybe you can discover something new you can be passionate about at this new job? What’s important is at this point, I need to be able to afford medicine without worrying where I’ll pull the funds from.

For Selene, it’s about finding what’s rewarding about work that keeps her going. Aside from her colleagues she now calls her friends, it’s the help she extends to their audience that compensates for the income gap.

“Nakakataba din ng puso when people react to things you’ve written positively or they say na it helped them. Parang it’s real? It’s there,” said Selene.

“Even in the short time na na-experience ko siya, I can say it’s something I really like to see more of and improve on. I want to experience more of the world and share it with people and make meaningful connections.”