We Had Our Miracle Baby for 14 Days; Our Grief Lasted Much Longer

(SPOT.ph) Nico and Pristine Martinez waited three years to conceive a miracle baby. When they finally did, they named him Noa Pierre, and celebrated 14 days on Earth with him. While mourning his short life, they asked: Can they still call themselves Mommy and Daddy after their only child has died? 

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A miracle baby three years in the making

Thanks to common friends, Nico and Pristine met and became a couple in 2016. After three years, the two exchanged vows: For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

They both wanted kids despite the health challenges they face: Pristine has polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), Nico has low sperm count, both are diabetic. Their doctor said there was zero chance for them to conceive.

"Break down kami nun, talaga sobrang down na down kami nung panahon na 'yun. Gusto namin mag-anak. Pero it's just that scientifically suggested na it's not possible," said Pristine.

COVID-19 struck in 2020, and during quarantine, the newlyweds decided what they needed to do: fix their lifestyle to improve their health, giving them more chances to bear a child. That meant no more smoking for Nico, and healthier food choices for them both.

One Sunday in 2022, Pristine took a pregnancy test. Her endocrinologist said to regularly check because her medicines can be harmful for the baby—if there is one—so she would know when to stop taking the medicines.

"Talagang hindi din namin in-expect na makakabuo. Sinabi na sa kanya [Nico] na out of 100%, 99% ng sperm n'ya patay, parang ganun. And 1% dun, buhay, but it's abnormal," said Pristine.

Then Nico heard Pristine hyperventilating. They saw a faint line in a cheap pregnancy test.

"Nag-positive 'yung PT," he said.

He then went out to buy more pregnancy tests—the more expensive ones this time, thinking maybe they will produce more "legit" results. She also took a maternal serum test to be sure.

All positive. After three years, they were finally pregnant.

Miracle Baby Noa Pierre's life

Turns out, Nico and Pristine's baby would stayed longer in the womb than outside of it. During the eight-and-a-half months Pristine carried their baby, they both thought everything was fine with him. Their biggest concern at that time was that he could come out prematurely.

Thirty minutes after midnight of February 20, Pristine's water broke. After 17 hours of labor, at 7:33 p.m., Noa Pierre Martinez was born.

"Lahat ng ultrasound, lahat ng check-up ko, walang nagsasabi na Noa had that butas sa puso. And then nung pinanganak siya, 'yun 'yung naging finding."

Baby Noa had patent ductus arteriosus (PDA), a heart condition that often affects babies born prematurely. It happens when the blood vessel ductus arteriosus doesn't close as it should, making the heart and lung work harder to pump blood, Cleveland Clinic said. While there's no way to prevent PDA, it can be treated via catheterization or surgery.

While Baby Noa fought pneumonia and other complications during his 10 days at neonatal intensive care unit, new mommy Pristine was able to hold him. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for Daddy Nico. For 10 days, all he could do was look at his son from afar.

"Nandun din ako pero nasa labas lang ako ng ICU. Vini-view ko lang siya through the window, hindi ko siya nahawakan. Vini-video call lang ni Tin para makita ko siya," said Nico.

When their bill at the private hospital skyrocketed to more than P900,000, they decided to move Baby Noa to Philippine General Hospital on March 3. There, Nico was finally able to hold and take care of his firstborn.

"Understaffed si PGH so kami 'yung nagpapalit ng diaper, kami 'yung nag-feed ng gamot. Doon ko na-feel na maging tatay."

"Nung nahawakan ko siya, umiyak talaga ako. Tapos talagang, nakatingin lang kami sa kanya, chine-check namin siya. Parang nakatingin din siya sa amin, parang kinakausap n'ya kami."

Three days of being a hands-on father, a day after Nico celebrate his 34th birthday, Baby Noa died. He was 14 days old.

'Are we still parents if we don't have a child?'

The first time they took Baby Noa home, it was in his tiny urn.

Pristine cried and turned to books. Nico drowned himself with work to avoid the pain.

"'Dini-distract ko 'yung sarili ko para hindi ko siya maisip. Pero the moment na wala na kami ginagawa, after everything, noon nagbe-break down kami," he said.

He also avoided his friends and left social media.

"For a time, nag-deactivate kami ng social media. Kasi talagang ang hirap. Nakakainggit na nakita mo [friends mo] na karga-karga [baby nila]. Nagpo-post sila na wala silang tulog, mga gano'n. Nakakainggit."

At some point, Nico asked Pristine if they should still refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy. Can they still call themselves as such now that Baby Noa's gone?

"Sabi ko, oo naman kasi may anak tayo. Nagkaroon tayo ng anak. It's just that he left earlier than us," said Pristine. "'Pag namatay naman 'yung anak mo, namatay 'yung mommy mo, mommy mo pa rin siya, anak mo pa rin siya. Still, still, we were parents... Hindi naman siya natapos just because he left."

"The hardest part is, we're very loving and we want to give it to Noa during that time. Pero na-cut short 'yung love na 'yun. Saan namin ibabaling? Pero baka there's a greater purpose why he has to be there early," she said.

After grief comes a glimmer of hope

In April, Pristine took another pregnancy test. There was contact between them, sure, but they weren't planning to conceive until late this year, said Nico. After all, they are still mourning Baby Noa's passing and recovering from more than P1 million worth of hospital bills.

The doctor told them earlier that a mother's pregnancy hormones remain high weeks after giving birth, so a pregnancy test can still come up positive. To be sure, they went to a clinic for confirmation.

It's confirmed: The Martinezes are pregnant for the second time around.

When Pristine told Nico about it, he was stunned. He's going to be a father for a second time, the kind of good news best received before Father's Day.

"Masaya ako, scared ako. Ayoko nang maulit 'yung last time. Kaya we'll do everything we can—lahat ng checks na puwede natin gawin, gagawin natin," he said.

They will name their second baby Nia, believing in faith that Noa's sibling will be a girl. It's too early to say, but the baby's gamer father believes it's a fitting name after a healer hero in Xenoblade Chronicles 3.

"Feeling ko naman ready naman na akong maging dad. Pero 'yung emotional aspect kasi nung kay Noa, ang hirap i-get over. Nandun ako sa gitna—half happy, half worried."

How do you grieve while celebrating another win? For Nico and Pristine, this meant acknowledging Noa's life—albeit short—even if he isn't physically with them.

"Noa, mahal na mahal ka namin. Thank you for guiding us. We know na ikaw 'yung dahilan kaya nandito 'yung kapatid mo ngayon. So we know you're happy there wherever you are. No more pain. Wala nang nakatusok sa ilong mo na tinatanggal mo," said Nico.

Pristine added: "You're always loved. You're always remembered. It's just that we cannot see you but you will always be in our prayers. We will love you until we see each other there in the afterlife."

And for other parents going through tough times, Nico has this to say:

"Push lang, fighting lang. Kasi at the end, it will hurt pero it will make you a better person."