Ryan binge-watched his way through Feb. 14, 2022 while indulging in a box of pizza and half a dozen chicken wings, while lovestruck couples rushed to their steak dates and nightcaps. Until such time that he's ready for love, he'll be happily single and unbothered by the pressures of Valentine's Day.
The 23-year-old feels fulfilled celebrating it on his own terms instead of getting caught up in the ever-present pressure of a society that wants everyone to couple up, as if there's nothing more to life than being with a significant other.
"Before iniiwasan ko ['yung Valentine's] kasi I used to be so annoyed with how couples usually celebrate it. Parang I didn't see the point in suddenly being lovey-dovey on a specific day. But admittedly, nag-factor in din talaga 'yung bitterness that comes with not having a jowa," Ryan told reportr.
Something shifted for him after coming out of an almost-relationship that made him realize how he wasn't ready to put himself out there yet. Despite his embrace of singlehood, there remains the pressure to keep looking around.
"At this age, parang everyone's getting their own love lives, so mapapaisip ka pa rin na, are you really proud na single ka or coping mechanism lang siya para masabing hindi ka bitter about being alone kasi sinadya mo?," he said.
"So, I guess, aside from external pressure, meron din on yourself to keep up this image na kasi may love life ka, it means you’re thriving and ang swerte-swerte mo. 'Cause then, if you don’t have one, parang nakakaawa ka, may mali sayo, bakit walang nagtatagal?", he added.
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Examining Valentine's day as a concept
Society has associated Valentine's Day with couples, hence the pressure on singles to '"belong" by finding their own mate, life coach Myke Celis told reportr.
This leads to scrambling to find dates, basing their self worth and personal value on how many would ask them out or give them gifts, flowers or chocolates. "However, we tend to forget that Valentines Day is a celebration of love for all and that being single can be a matter of choice, too," Celis added.
While there has never been a clear story as to how Valentine's day came to be an annual celebration of love, one theory that many strongly believe is that it is a "Hallmark Holiday", one of the many special holidays supposedly invented by the greeting card company for profit (the company has explicitly denied this).
Despite having celebrated it before in her past relationships, Trisha, 23, has always subscribed to this idea, having observed how Valentine's day is "very capitalistic in nature". People are compelled to buy their loved ones flowers, cards, and chocolates, giving businesses, especially huge corporations, a boost.
"Since when did we feel the need to buy things to prove our love to someone? Aren’t the best demonstrations of love non-material anyway, and also, shouldn’t you feel loved everyday?," she said.
"But on a lighter note, I guess it doesn’t hurt to have a day to remind people to think about love. Na maybe you can just think of it as a day that nudges or reminds you na 'oh maybe there’s something to celebrate," she said, sharing how as a single person, she was able to celebrate "Galentine's" this year by going out for dinner and drinks with her girl best friends, making room for another form of love that's equally worth-celebrating as romantic ones.
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Finding peace in singlehood
His need to be this "whole person" before finding a significant other, Ryan admits, has a lot to do with his experience growing up as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. "For people like us, it's often the case that we didn't get to find love within our own homes. So to cope, we grew up relying on ourselves kasi, the perspective is, if no one else can do it for me, then i’ll do it for myself," he said.
"This extends to my approach to relationships, na gusto ko, once I have a partner, i’m still my own person pa rin para in case my significant other ends up leaving, buo pa rin ako in a way," he added.
In today's political and economic climate, being in a relationship also comes with a lot of added burdens, money included. In the case of women who get pregnant or married, there are real penalties that come with it, such as unequal pay at work, or lesser career mobility, compared to male counterparts.
Marriage, often the ultimate goal for many, was in itself created not as an institution for love, but rather a system for women to be taken cared of financially and men physically. Not to mention, the bleak portrait of the future does not leave much room for family planning for today's generation, so, understandably, why judge anyone for breezing through life uncomitted?
To find peace in singlehood, Valentine's day or not, Celis, the life coach, gave the following tips:
See being single as an opportunity, not an obstacle
Don't let your relationship status hinder you from growing into the person that you're meant to be. You can still thrive in your space, do the things you love to do and be genuinely happy even without a significant other during Valentines Day.
Remember to not let anyone dictate who and how you should love
Falling in love is a matter of choice, one that you can make for yourself. Same goes when you choose to focus on loving yourself more at present. Don't let anyone or anything pressure you how to love.
Invest in yourself and your growth
Maximize your being single by continuously improving yourself so that eventually you will be ready to mingle once more...or just move on and forward as you grow solo.
Learn a new skill, go on that life-changing trip or get to know yourself on a deeper level with the help of a professional—you deserve to nurture your own self love so that you get to grow in harmony with life fully.
You are not less of a person if you're single
You are whole and complete as you are. Your relationship with another person does not define you and your worth.
To learn more about Celis and his coaching services, visit his website.