Should Parents Treat Children Like a Retirement Plan or Insurance?

(SPOT.ph) When elderly parents get sick, should their kids foot the bill? In the Philippines where family comes first, it feels like a given even if adult children are cash-strapped or saving up for their future needs. Should it be an obligation? If not, what can be done?

It's a difficult conversation among parents and children -- who are expected to shoulder the financial responsibilities of hard up family members. Whatever the reason is for parents to be financially dependent to their adult children, it could result in a vicious cycle of paying backwards that could ruin their children's future, said financial literacy advocate and journalist Salve Duplito.

"Ang talagang katotohanan, ang magulang ang may responsibilidad at obligasyon sa anak. Ang anak, ang responsibilidad is to honor and respect your mother and father. Dapat pa-forward, hindi paatras," she told TeleRadyo.

"Kahit na anong obligasyong napilitan, para bang ginawa mong investment ang anak mo, toxic 'yun."

Why parents rely on children for their finances

Some parents believe it's their right to demand payback for bringing their kids into this world and raising them up, even if kids have no say regarding their parents' actions. Duplito's friend once told her how her parents asked her to find a job in Japan and send her salary back to the Philippines.

"Kung tinitingnan mo 'yung anak mo as investment, hihingi ka ng return on investment, 'oh bayaran mo na ako dahil pinanganak kita' e hindi naman kasalanan ng bata na pinanganak siya sa pamilyang iyon," she said.

On one hand, poverty plus the rising prices of goods and services contribute to burying more Filipinos in debt, no matter how hardworking they may be. It's not the fault of cash-stripped Filipinos if they're short in cash and had to ask for financial help, said Duplito.

"'Pag ganito ang siste na 'yung nanay at tatay umaasa sa anak, pagdating ng time na 'yung anak may anak na rin, nag-aalaga na siya ng dalawa: 'yung magulang at anak n'ya, therefore hindi rin siya makakapag-ipon para sa sarili n'ya."

How to break the cycle

If parents or elderly family members need help with their expenses, it should be addressed as a family, said Duplito. It should not be the sole responsibility of your well-off sibling.

"Look at the family holistically as a resource. Kanya-kanyang contribution. 'Di naman puwedeng 'yung mayaman lang ang naglalagay sa hat."

If there's no way out, maybe find a side hustle so you can save up for your future.

"'Yung Sabado na ipapanood natin ng Netflix at nakahiga tayo, puwedeng mag-raket naman tayo para makabenta ng kung ano-ano para madagdagan ang tulong."

Preparing for your retirement should also begin the moment you received your first paycheck to give you longer time to secure a stable financial future and freeing up your future kids from your financial burdens, if ever you plan on having them someday, said Duplito. Doesn't matter if it's P100 or P5,000 per payday, as long as it's alloted for your personal retirement needs.

Lastly, help should alway be freely given, not obliged, the financial journalist said.

"Anything that is forced is toxic but a real gift, when you give it straight from your heart kasi 'di ka obligado, it's empowering to both, sa magulang at sa anak," she said.

"Kung ang tingin mo sa kanya ay isang asset, pinanganak mo ito at asset ko, aalagaan mo. 'Yun ang relationship na tama at hindi toxic."