Gloria Arroyo’s 9-page "rant," Dingdong Dantes plays Magellan + more lowlights

Plus, Jinkee Pacquiao turns 33, Abigal Valte slams "Wow Philippines," and more crazy tales.

 

1. TAXI, JEEPNEY, AND TRICYCLE DRIVERS CAST AS EXTRAS IN THE BOURNE LEGACY. Bus and pedicab drivers are now getting in touch with the Commission on Human Rights.

 

 

2. MARIAN RIVERA IS ONE OF THE 60 CONFIRMATION CEREMONY GODPARENTS OF FEISTY SHOWBIZ MOM DAISY ROMUALDEZ’S YOUNGEST CHILD. Marian Rivera and Daisy Romualdez are friends. (It figures.)

 

 

3. MORE PEOPLE WILL GO FOR EXPENSIVE, "SOUPED UP" CAMERAS IN 2012. Yet a majority of them will still take lousy photos.

 

 

4. SENATORS REPORTEDLY ARGUING OVER THE ROBES THEY’LL WEAR DURING CHIEF JUSTICE RENATO CORONA’S IMPEACHMENT TRIAL. It’s nice to know they’re so detail-oriented.

 

 

5. P-NOY SAYS HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE SHALANI SOLEDAD-ROMAN ROMULO WEDDING. That’s the trouble with booking your videogame session months ahead...you can’t get out of it even if something special comes up.

6. GLORIA MACAPAGAL-ARROYO SLAMS P-NOY WITH THE NINE-PAGE, "IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUDENT!" On the bright side, this proves she is not sick at all! (That paper is like a thesis with graphs and everything!)

 

 

7. JINKEE PACQUIAO CELEBRATES HER 33RD BIRTHDAY. We wish you more Hermès bags that you won’t have to offer as reward to anyone who can show proof that Manny isn’t cheating on you.

 

 

8. DINGDONG DANTES PLAYS FERDINAND MAGELLAN IN THE HISTORICL SOAP AMAYA, WHICH STARS GIRLFRIEND MARIAN RIVERA. So ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee, Señor Magellan. (Ding! Dong! Yes, it’s corny but we couln’t resist it...again.)

 

 

9. DEPUTY PRESIDENTIAL SPOKESPERSON ABIGAIL VALTE SAYS THE "WOW PHILIPPINES" TOURISM CAMPAIGN WAS "NOT TOO EFFECTIVE" IN SOME COUNTRIES. Now, now don’t get crabby...this video seems very effective to us. (It’s fun, too!)

 

 

10. CHIEF JUSTICE RENATO CORONA AND HIS WIFE GET EMOTIONAL WHILE HEARING MASS. Just a tip: If you have nothing to hide, you don’t need telenovela techniques to prove you’re a good guy.

 

Art by Warren Espejo

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