10 NSFW Finds That Prove Size Doesn’t Matter

Big, small, thick, skinny, light, tan-we don't discriminate.

PHOTO BY Kaiqi Store, Love Toy ILLUSTRATION War Espejo

(SPOT.ph) Well, we guess there’s no point in skirting around what this list is all about. Yes, each of these finds is shaped like male genitalia and yes, some of you might be giggling like 12-year-old boys right now—no judgment here. Whether you’re celebrating a (socially distanced) bachelorette party, shopping gifts for a themed secret Santa setup, playing crude pranks on your friends, or just appreciating the masculine form in all its colors and variations, you’re sure to find something in this list that piques your interest.

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Check out these 10 fun finds in phallic shapes that you can shop now:

Dickeychains (P125 to P150) from Love, Leonna

PHOTO BY Instagram/love.leonna
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Who says size matters? This itty-bitty keychain from Love, Leonna begs to differ. Each piece is handmade with resin and houses a variety of flowers, leaves, and other decorative particles—you can even get it personalized with letter beads that spell out your name or initials. Attach it to your car or house keys to make them easier to, err, grip.

Available online.

Dingding Plush Toy Pillow (P1,539) from Kaiqi Store

PHOTO BY Kaiqi Store
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Need a cuddle buddy? This thick and long pillow from Kaiqi Store could be just what you’re looking for. Your family might give you some weird looks, but imagine how cozy you’ll sleep snuggled up next to this huge plushie. It’s available in light beige and deep brown depending on your preference (wink, wink).

Available online.

Dainty D Night Light (P950) from Dirty Pink

PHOTO BY Instagram/dirtypink.ph
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We promise this isn’t what it looks like—these pieces from IG shop Dirty Pink are just night lights so please do us a favor and stick these on your nightstand and nowhere else. The rather R-rated glass molds are decked out in a variety of flowers in a multitude of colors. You can plug them in at night (to an electrical socket only!) to help set the mood in your bedroom—whatever mood that may be is totally up to you!

Available online.

Penis Plush Doll Toy (P118 to P335) from Cojines

PHOTO BY Cojines

If you like 'em short and girthy (hopefully some people are into that sort of thing), you’ll love this plushie from Cojines. It’s available in several sizes from an itty-bitty 10-centimeter toy to a huggable 30-centimeter pillow.We feel a little strange admitting that the pointy head and ball-shaped feet are so gosh darn adorable, but you have to admit that they you’re tempted to squish them right now!

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Available online.

Willy Straws (P145) from Love Toy

PHOTO BY Love Toy

This nine-piece pack of willy straws from Love Toy is perfect for the endless rounds of cocktails you’ll be sipping on at your next bachelorette party. Snap an IG pic sipping drinks with your buds if you’re feeling cheeky!

Available online.

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Novelty Penis Shaped Toothbrush (P49) from Gift Lab

PHOTO BY Gift Lab
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The naughty end of this toothbrush from Gift Lab isn’t the part that you have to put in your mouth. We honestly can’t come up with a practical reason for keeping this on your sink, but hey, at least you’ll get a laugh every time you brush your teeth.

Available online.

Body Mug (prices start at P800) from Wabi Sabi

PHOTO BY Instagram/wabi_sabiph

If you already own your fair share of ceramic cups and plant pots celebrating the female form, you’ll want to shop this mug from Wabi Sabi to keep your gals company on the table. Unlike many of the silly trinkets on this list, this rustic, handmade piece reminds us of high art—think Michelangelo’s David sculpture at the Accademia Gallery in Florence.

Available online.

Foreplay Romance Sex Candle (P573) from Love Toy

PHOTO BY Love Toy
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We recently showed you where to shop #aesthetic scented candles and you might want to add this candle from Love Toy to your growing collection. It’s available in red, purple, and flesh, but we’re loving it in this hot pink shade.

Available online.

Mushroom Shape Matte Lipstick (P70) from Coco

PHOTO BY Coco

True beauty junkies appreciate the small details in cosmetic products, so we must say we’re quite impressed with the veiny details molded onto each bullet of this Coco lipstick. It’s available in 12 shades from warm nudes to bubblegum pinks to vampy violets.

Available online.

Dicky Pecker Pen (P206) from MaxiVogue

PHOTO BY MaxiVogue
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We wouldn’t recommend bringing this pen from MaxiVogue to the office, but we very much advocate for displaying it on your pen holder at home. If you’re in the habit of chewing on the end of your pen when you’re stressed out, you may want to think twice.

Available online.

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