No Broken Hearts: The Single's Survival Guide to Valentine's Day

(SPOT.ph) Valentine’s Day is far from over. There are technically only 24 hours in a day, but the holiday of hearts can last as long as a week as people try to fit in romantic dinners while evading traffic, steep prices, and awkward run-ins with exes. If you’re single, the battle is not out in public, but in the internal emotional and mental arena in your head.

Regardless of what type of single you are, surviving the holiday seems like a chore, especially when it draws such thick lines between those taken and not, and when the celebrations are practically dripping with a sweetness that would rot teeth to their core. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

"We have what we call social norms. And the social norm during this time is that everyone talks about love. If we feel like we are missing out on social norms, it is reasonable for us to feel bad about ourselves, which can negatively affect our self-esteem and self-concept," psychologist James Flores said.

"So kung mag-isa ka, syempre, normal lang yun. Although there are attempts naman and rightfully so, to regain control of the narrative," he added.

Also read: 10 Anthems for Your Non-Relationship Relationship

Everything You Need to Know if You Are Single on Valentine's Day

The norm of spending

Escaping the throes of Valentine’s Day is nearly impossible if you go out to a sea of red hearts and linked hands at every restaurant you pass by. Staying inside to isolate will do more harm than good, but forcing yourself to participate when you’re not in the mood just isn’t it.

Much like Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and more, the holiday is driven by the capitalistic expectation to consume and partake in traditions that aren’t one-size-fits-all. There’s a deeper meaning for the holiday, but a lot of it gets lost in the spending.

Just think of it this way—at least you won’t have to spend for a fancy night out, surprises, gifts, and parking or transportation. Your savings will thank you later.

Also read: 10 Problematic Couples From Romantic Movies That'll Remind You of Single Blessedness

Treat yourself

But hey, if you want to go all out and spend for yourself too, be our guest. Assess what makes you happy and follow through.

“You do you. Go out for an hour. Treat yourself. Spoil yourself a little bit so that you can get that self-esteem up. Self-esteem is not just about thinking good things about yourself. Sometimes it's treating yourself and spending on yourself,” Flores said.

Also read: Move Over, V-Day: 10 Ways to Celebrate Single Awareness Day

Be at peace with yourself

We hate to peddle cliche advice, but there really is no true way to live through Valentine’s as a single person if you’re not okay with being single. Some people are bitter about spending the holiday solo, while some are still mourning their exes, but for those without partners? It really takes self-love and assurance.

"It always starts with having a healthy self-concept and self-esteem. Kapag matatag na ang ganon natin from the get-go, we don’t normally get affected by what other people think or say even if we are hardwired to care about what they say," Flores said. "I know myself better, and I’m an expert at myself. Syempre not everyone has a strong self-concept or self-esteem."

"Have a reset. Take your time to breathe. Remember your self-worth is not determined by other people. Influenced siya ng other people, pero hindi sya determined ng other people. We always have to start there."

"It’s the simplest answer, but it takes work to execute properly. Appreciate what you have right now even if it's singlehood kasi being single isn't all too bad. Just because other people are in a relationship doesn't mean you're required to get one if you don't feel like it," Flores said.

“Mas masakit kapag pinilit mo, just to be in on the thing tapos di mag-wworkout,” he added.

Also read: Cuddling Without Commitment: WTF Is a Situationship Anyway?

Stay off social media

Set yourself up for success and avoid cheesy posts and photos. It’s just for one day, we like to think you’re strong enough to survive. You could mute people for 24 hours, but you might have to unmute them all over again unless your social media platform of choice has a mute function that lasts one day.

Don’t change what you can’t

Couples can’t force you to find a date and get in the mood for love, the same way you can’t force people in relationships to hide their joy and affection for one another during a holiday that celebrates love. The standard goes both ways.

“The world's not going to adjust to you whether you're single or not single, ‘di titigil yung mundo para sayo. So 'di mo pwede sabihing ‘Why are you celebrating Valentine’s Day? It’s not supposed to be celebrated’. Trip nila yon eh. Remember that it’s not just about you. It’s a social phenomenon, it’s bigger than yourself.”

Also read: 10 Cozy Hoodies That Will Keep You Warm If You’re Single AF

Create new traditions

Valentine’s Day has long been touted as Single Awareness Day for those (bitterly) holding their own hand. The acronym is SAD but who’s to say you have to wallow in your sadness? And who made up the rule that singles had to be sad on this particular day anyway?

There are several fun ways to fill up your time and spend Valentine’s Day with people you love, like friends or family.

“We have Galentine’s Day. Doesn’t matter if you’re single or taken, what matters to us is you’ll always have this friendship with the girls, and we got each other’s backs. It’s the day of love, and tama naman, I love my friends and they love me back so tama lang na we celebrate each other regardless of relationship status,” Frida, a social worker, said.

It’s okay to be sad

“If you’re sad on Valentine’s Day, okay, be sad. It's okay to feel these emotions because it's part of who you are. You find that it's more tiring and more frustrating in the long run, [to] pretend to feel something that you're not feeling right now,” Flores said. “Sometimes personal things happen and you’re out of it, and it affects the overall situation.”

“It's just a day that we feel extra sad or because we give meaning to this day. Now if I want to give meaning to this day, that's something else, that's not about love. It's about me. Then I take control of that narrative for myself. I take control of my experiences for myself,” Flores suggested.

“You don't need to win [on] Valentine’s Day. You just need to survive if you want to. And that's perfectly fine.”