How a P299 Engagement Ring Sparked Public Debate on What it Means to Love in the PH

(SPOT.ph) Ancient civilizations believed a vein ran from the left ring finger straight to the heart—this is one explanation why people began using wedding rings. Now that modern medicine has proven this to be a myth, logic might dictate that a nipple ring is both 1) cheaper and 2) closer to the heart. 

But believing in wedding rings is, frankly, not a logical act, but a poetic one. It is a symbol—a thing that stands for another thing. And because it is not so easy to visualize love, humans have come to see it in symbols: the heart, the rose, and yes—the ring. 

Wearing a wedding ring makes as much logical sense as replacing your teeth with gold dentures as a sign of wealth, or driving a Toyota Fortuner as a sign that you are an a**hole. We do wedding rings because others do—and because others assign it meaning. And in simpler terms, it is a trend—started by trendsetters in Ancient Rome who used rings as a sign of promise during their equivalent of engagement parties.

Of course, this little history deep dive is courtesy of some guy who unwittingly revealed to his fiancee that the engagement ring he gave her was a P299 Shopee purchase. Since the fiancee took to TikTok to broadcast her unease about the situation, the Philippine internet has made sport of inflicting their personal opinions on each other—mostly comments about how they see engagement rings, whether or not they would approve of such a ring, and how things are done in their families. It was about as useful as debating whose lola has the best adobo recipe. 

And thus, we find ourselves here—attempting sociology and semiotics—because we’ve given this discussion so much more time than it deserves, we might as well go all the way. 

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What's with the buzz around a P299 engagement ring?

For people who are anti-299-peso-ring, it might not be the price they take issue with, but the emptiness of it. An heirloom ring is even cheaper (read: free!), but no one would have given the issue a second thought if the engagement ring was indeed an heirloom. It would have actually been charming if the ring was a rusty old thing that one of their grandparents used at their wedding 60 years ago. Sure, some heirlooms may carry inherent value, but the fact remains that someone proposing wouldn’t typically pay for it. With this, we establish that it isn’t necessarily the price we find disturbing. 

The difference between a free heirloom ring and a P299 Shopee ring—besides the 299 pesos—is the perceived story. The heirloom might symbolize the continuation of your ancestors’ love—and involve the process of asking the grandparents for their blessing. Meanwhile, the meaning that a Shopee ring carries feels out of context. It is purchased from the same place people buy power banks and slimming products. 

Of course, with the right story, a Shopee ring could also feel acceptable, if not desirable. Let’s tweak a few details. Let’s say that, during their 8-year relationship, the couple kept joking about getting their engagement ring from Shopee. Or, what if the girl was a co-founder of Shopee? Or what if—in an attempt to get close to the guy—the girl lent him P299 when they first met years ago, which he never paid back until… he proposes! Corniness aside, these situations wouldn’t have gone viral, because it would have been clear that an attempt was made at meaning-making. A symbol of love can be affordable, sure, but perhaps it should never be empty and devoid of story. 

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The hyper-pragmatic among us do have a point as well. Why spend an enormous amount on a ring when you can save it for your childrens’ tuition? Many Filipinos, after all, are dealing with stagnant incomes and the rising cost of goods. It is not wrong to be on the side of financial responsibility—but this feels like the kind of conversation a couple should have before either one gets the bright idea to marry the other. If the man had told the woman beforehand to expect a Shopee ring, but assured her of his undying love and loyalty as he knelt down, or sang her a song, or drew her a picture of them on a ½ white cartolina, then perhaps we wouldn’t be having this conversation. 

Men also need to stop destroying women online for preferring rings that cost more than P299. A ring, as we’ve established, is a symbol. And to people who may be anxious about finances or social status (not a surprise in a developing country), or who were raised by families with outdated views about the “value” of women, a ring might have to be a symbol not just of love, but of financial security and their inherent “value.” And because most human beings are giant bags of insecurity, we must acknowledge that a nice ring isn’t always a simple frivolous desire—but something many of us, perhaps through incessant marketing and runaway capitalism, have learned to want since childhood. It takes a certain disposition to live like a monk—and it is not always wrong, and sometimes it might even be healthy, to give in to the illogic of luxury—be it a ring, or a frappuccino on a bad day.

It’s easy to understand where all the commenters are coming from. There are men who feel inadequate because the economy, the job market, and the government have made it so difficult to afford luxuries like an expensive ring. There are women who want men not necessarily to be rich, but to at least be thoughtful and intentional about their proposals. There are some who say it’s important to have savings, because otherwise the relationship will crumble under the financial strain of living in the Philippines. 

Maybe the only lesson here is what marriage counselors have espoused all along—couples need to talk. Simply, they must love, care for, and communicate with each other. It makes for tempered expectations, aligned goals, and even better sex. We must be more deliberate about what love means to each of us—and about what we would want to symbolize our unions. In that sense, the brouhaha about this P299 ring might not be so useless after all, especially if it starts a frank public conversation about what we expect of our partners. Maybe next time, we should have it on purpose. Maybe next time, we can sit down and talk about what it means to love in the Philippines. But if there is an easy lesson to learn here, it is this: Nothing dooms a relationship quicker than ranting about your partner on the internet. 

Gian Lao was a speechwriter for former President Benigno Aquino Jr. He’s written essays and profiles for various publications and has published his own collection of poetry: “All the Winters of My Body,” and the collaborative poetry zine “What We Can See of the Sky.”