Can Couples Still Be Happy Minus All the Valentine's Spending?

(SPOT.ph) Several staples make Valentine’s Day the holiday that it is: the professions of love online, dressing up for special dinners, and gifts exchanged between two people (whether fully committed or in a situationship, that’s up to you). But when sky-high prices make even the most basic commodities like onions a challenge to afford, is it still possible for couples to celebrate their love for each other?

“If you communicate na ‘Hanggang dito lang kaya ko’, maybe the partner should understand that,” psychologist James Flores said.

Also read: 10 Restaurants to Hit Up for an Unforgettable Valentine's Dinner

So how do you pull off  Valentine's Day on a budget?

Communicate

It’s rehashed and predictable, but couples do have to communicate properly. “Communicate the expectations, [put] each other in the other shoes, and then [craft] a proper celebratory response for Valentine's Day according to what you understand with each other,” Flores suggested.

Couples fight about a lot of things, but money is often a risky point of tension for many, as it’s a glimpse into social status, career goals, and personal life habits. Money matters may be rooted in shame and often take time to build before it drives a wedge between people.

“I think it’s reasonable to imagine couples fighting over it. Communication’s hard. I do not think it is reasonable to break up over it unless it has been a recurring pattern and eto 'yung tipping point. Kung ganon, 'yung problema mo ay beyond Valentine’s Day na.”

If Valentine’s Day celebrations don’t meet expectations in one or both people's minds, then the issue is likely relational and extends beyond the day of hearts.

“That sounds like a personal problem, and it sounds like a red flag,” Flores said.

Also read: 10 Low-Key Date Ideas for Couples Who Don't Like Crowds

Meet halfway

“Kung alam mo naman na kaya mo magbigay, kahit di mo masyado feel, but this seems really important to them, no matter how trivial the reason is, you have to meet them where they are,” Flores said.

Equality is a tricky subject in the context of couples, not in the topic of roles and gender norms, but in how much is poured and given into the relationship and each other. If you get your partner a gift worth P5,000 with the expectation of getting a present of the same worth, it might set a precedent in your relationship to keep expecting. Worse, this could be in one person’s head and never be voiced out properly.

“Di kayo magiging masaya, magbibilangan lang kayo,” he said.

Relationships are a balanced dance of give and take. If you’re looking to cut back to focus on more important needs such as utilities and bills, explain your side to your partner. At the same time, if you really do want to celebrate, maybe offer to go out and spend, but cut back on other days to keep the budget intact.

Flores said actions have to match words when it comes to saving for a rainy day, so if you’re spending on wants instead of needs after having said that you both need to lay low for Valentine’s Day, it might be cause for argument. Other times, completely refusing to let loose can lead to a bigger fight.

“Minsan 'yung pang-rainy day mo, kailangan mo na gamitin ngayon just to say na aabot kayo na magkasama sa rainy day," he said.

Also read: 10 Dining Spots to Visit for a Well-Deserved Solo Date

Celebrate each other

“Take the time to pause and be creative with what you can bring to Valentine's Day,” Flores suggested.

It’s easy to get swept up in all the gift packages and flower delivery options, but it all boils down to how your partner expects to be loved. Once you’ve communicated the desire to be low-key or spend less, then you can move to giving thoughtful gifts.

“What things [does your] partner highly value from an emotional standpoint, and that we work around from that,” he said.

Even those with a lot of money to spend still miss the mark simply because of communication breakdown. At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is all about each other and being loved the right way—and most times that doesn’t need a lottery jackpot to achieve.

Flores’ super tip? “Try complimenting this person without using anything physical about themselves.”

A capitalist undercurrent mars Valentine’s Day. Lots of couples can be quick to associate spending with love, but it doesn’t always have to be that way, and it really shouldn’t, if we peel back all these layers.

“The chocolate itself isn't romantic. It's you giving the chocolates that makes it romantic,” Flores said.

“If we realize that, then maybe we can do something not expensive, something that pours a little bit of you in the thing that you do,” he added. “Something that screams 'you' and is well-thought-out. Shows that you know the person beyond what you can give in a material sense."

Also read: 10 Tracks for Your 2023 Valentine's Day Playlist Whatever Your Current Relationship Status

Stay off social media

Again, this one is self-explanatory. If you know you’re going to get jealous or annoyed at all the other people flaunting their expensive dates, do yourself a favor and avoid social media for a day. “Take a Facebook cleanse,” Flores said.

Don’t compare

It’s easier said than done, but “the easiest way to protect your peace is to avoid other people,” Flores said in jest.

“It’s not about them or what they have or what I’m lacking. That’s them, I’ll do me,” he added.

We could all be drinking the same coffee, but if your friend’s and their partner’s mugs look nicer, it could lead you to find financial issues with your relationship that aren’t there, to begin with.

“When we inject ourselves into their situation, that’s when we start to compare our lives and experiences to them right now. That’s how our brain and society work,” Flores said.

“If people cannot conform, they feel out of place and they start to question themselves, kasi survival instinct natin to go with the group, to be part of the group, to want to be part of a group, unless you are strong enough to be an individual,” he added.

The solution? Stay in your line and admit that it is what it is. Valentine’s Day is about you and your partner, not other people.